Is it Wednesday already?

It's my dad's birthday today. He's 61.

On Monday I had another two and a half hours' work done on my tattoo backpiece. It's looking so motherfucking rad now, man. I really love it. Which is a good thing, cos it would kind of be a problem now if I didn't, wouldn't it?! According to my little black book, that puts the total time spent in the chair so far at 12 hours. And unlike some tattooers, Xam tends to be working the whole of that time, rather than taking phone calls and shooting the shit with passers-by. As a client I really appreciate the difference. He reckons we'll be pretty much done in about another two sessions, or around five hours.

This week's session was the most painful yet. There were times when I was thinking I'd have to stop. I've never experienced that before. But I kept saying to myself, "If I tap out now, it's another six weeks or so until I get back here." That was enough to spur me on and endure the discomfort.

What else...?

Oh yeah, I sent Shea a copy of the short film I made (whisper it) 11 years ago, coupled with a music video from the following year, I think. It'll be interesting to hear what he thinks of them. If I ever get around to it, I might even post them up on here someday.

I've set myself a small film-making challenge for this week, too, so I hope to get that started and finished in the next couple of days.

Italy went out of the European Cup, losing to Spain on penalties. That sucked, but they didn't play so great.

If you've not been over to my movie reviews (such as they are) in recent weeks, there has been some activity there, though I confess to having been a little lax. I'm trying to get on top of that shit, cos I'm watching some good films at the moment.

I'm sure I had some other stuff to write about, but it's gone clean out of my head. Oh well, probably wasn't very important. Not as important as me getting downstairs to deal with the washing up, anyway. So, off I go.

The countdown to 1,000 begins

Just kidding, kinda, but I guess I have to start thinking about what I can do special for number 1,000, right? Though, going by my recent output, it'll probably be a good year away or more. So stay tuned, folks!

Speaking of being a bit slack, my movie reviews (such as they are) have been a bit thin on the ground of late, but I did put one up yesterday, so why not check it out by clicking da linkz, innit? See the comments on that latest one, and you'll see how big my backlog is, too, so I'm hoping to get my shit together. Also awaiting my eyes are Constantine and Black Book.

So, what's in the news? Well, of course there is a lot of talk about the UK's return to nuclear power over the coming years. Man, I don't know... Nuclear power? I mean, have we not learned anything from the past? Okay, let's say for a minute that nuclear has had bad press. Let's look on the bright side. Apparently it's clean and it's therefore better for the environment than coal and oil.

But it has a half-life of 10,000 years. I mean, you can't just bury this shit under the Irish Sea once you're done with it and forget about it. And yes, that apparently was the plan mentioned by an unnamed governmental minister just a couple of days ago. Then last night, on Newsnight some other dude was saying that he's sure there are communities across the UK that would only be too glad to have a nuclear dumping ground and all the jobs that would entail. Um, really? Cos I can't see people lining up for that business opportunity.

This, in my humble opinion, of course, is a fucking global disaster waiting to happen. What's next? "Oh I know, let's take all this old nuclear waste material and dump it on an uninhabited island somewhere. That's fine." Yeah, and with all the ocean liners that seem to constantly crash causing massive oil spills, imagine the severity of a similar situation with a liner full of nuclear waste... Not good.

Still, most people, who probably know more about it than I do, seem concerned more about the costs of the nuclear programme than about the dangers, so what do I know...?

---------

Also in the news is talk of abolishing the blasphemy law. What's particularly interesting about this is that the Church of England is in favour of its abolition, while the government is keen to keep the law in place (what's that about separation of Church and state again...?)

Personally, I'm all for the abolition of the blasphemy law, of course. I blaspheme from time to time. I take the Lord's name in vain. I don't necessarily think it's big or clever, but as an atheist I see it as my God-given right (ha ha!). And I certainly don't see that anyone should be punished in law for blasphemy, especially writers, artists and broadcasters, people in the public eye who are the most likely to find themselves at the end of such legislation.

Something funny is that if I blaspheme in English, the missus is mildly tutty at me, but if I do it in Italian she virtually blows a fuse. It's bizarre. Also weird is that they have this exclamation in Italian: "Cazzo di Buddha!" This means, "Buddha's cock!" This is deemed perfectly okay, but if I replace Buddha with "Dio" (God) or "Cristo" (Christ), that's highly frowned upon. So it's okay for Italians to be rude about other people's deities but not their own!

Religion is funny. Well, it would be if it weren't for the fact that it's the cause of so much of the trouble in the world... Have a great weekend, y'all.

Non-Lynch stuff

Some exciting news from Cat
A film review (such as it is)

Want movie reviews? We got ’em!

Been a bit short on time to blog this week. Also been short on time to look and edit the video footage I shot of all the cool dogs at the Dogs Trust Open Day, near Canterbury, on Sunday.

I have thrown up a couple of movie reviews over at Such As They Are, though, so feel free to swing by there and check them out.

Hope to catch up with you all soon... Once I get all this work out of the way.

Hmmm...

Inspirationless.
As dry as a nun's cunt, as they say. (Is that blasphemous?)
Hopefully something will come to me soon.
Meantime, I guess I'll write some movie reviews (such as they are).

Where’d the week go?

Forgive me, reader, for I have sinned. It's been four days since my last blog post...

It's been one of those weeks where not much seems to happen worthy of writing:

1. Watched a couple of movies (16 Blocks and le dîner de cons), so they'll make it over to Such As They Are sometime in the distant future. Latest review over there at the moment is the highly recommended Manon des Sources.

2. Been working -- same ol', same ol'.

3. Got the year's expenses receipts organized for the accountant.

4. Bought some jeans from The Gap for £13.59 ($27), which was a total bargain. They were discounted anyway, and then I had a further 20 per cent off for a missing button on the fly!

5. Heard some disappointing news from my brother in his bid to get on The X Factor: in short, he didn't make it.

6. Watched more episodes of Seinfeld. Wife and I are working through all the episodes on DVD in chronological order. It opens it up to a whole new level of brilliance, seeing how the storylines run through entire blocks of shows. Genius.

7. Bought an aerial lead so I could get the Freeview channels on our TV. That way we can now record one channel while watching another, a luxury we haven't been afforded for years. Sure, I know there's fuck all on TV, but you can guarantee that, like buses, two good shows always come along at once.

8. I haven't shaved.

So, that's it. A week in the life of a 30-something self-employed man who blogs.

What will next week bring? Well, among other things I have the series finale of Heroes to look forward to. That's on Monday night. Beyond that, friends and loved ones, it's a blank canvas. Wish me luck...

Thinking about things, like a walk in the park, things, like a kiss in the dark

Actually, I'm not thinking about things like that at all. Well I do occasionally go for a walk in the park, and that's nice. I'm enjoying walking more often. And it's the best way to explore a new city when you go away for a break.

I'm not thinking about a kiss in the dark, either. Although I do occasionally have kisses in the dark. Best not say any more about that, though ;-)

What I am thinking about follows.

1. My birthday. It's only four weeks away today. In four weeks -- that's two fortnights, twenty-eight days, etc -- I will be 37 years old. It's weird, because just yesterday I was thinking that I was 38. So realizing I'm not even 37 yet makes me feel even younger. Maybe this is one of the greatest things about being a toy boy: you already see that being older is not so bad.

2. Valentine's Day. It's only one week away, guys, so don't forget to buy something nice and/or make a special effort for the loved one in your life. At the risk of sounding like a brown-noser (or should that be "pussy-whipped wuss"?), I try to do nice stuff year round for my woman. Sometimes I fail, though. It seems I criticize more than I ought to. I don't even realize I'm doing it, so I'm gonna make a real effort to fix that.

3. Work. Face it, we all gotta do it from time to time. It's taking me away from blogging as much as I'd like, too. Oh well. Actually, that's not strictly true. I somehow find time to write a post each day, but I'm struggling to find time to visit all my fave hangouts. Sorry to you all, but I am making efforts to rectify that too.

4. The weather. Apparently we're going to be hit with a shitload of snow over the next 24 hours. Brrrrrr. The logs are in the cellar ready for a nice open fire.

5. Spring cleaning. Yes, I know that's a bit of a girlie thing to think about, but our cellar is a damn mess. There are two DVD players to throw out (they don't work) and one 24-inch TV, which I suspect no longer works because it's been in the cellar too long. There's also a huge stack of videotapes to sort out, and a big box full of paper to recycle. PLUS we have to sort out the lounge because we have a new piece of furniture coming soon, so we need to make room for it.

6. Cat. He hasn't blogged in a long while, and I fear his few readers are losing patience. It's not through want of trying; he just never gets a look in on the computers these days. He sends his apologies.

7. Films. I am loving watching movies again recently, so much so that I can't keep on top of my reviews (such as they are).

8. The new David Lynch film Inland Empire. This is the film I am most looking forward to this year. Tomorrow there is a screening in London, with a Q&A with Lynch afterwards. I entered a competition to win tickets, but I doubt I'll get them. And even if I do, with the impending snowstorm set to paralyze the nation, I'm not sure I could get there and back...

Anyways, I think that's all I'm thinking about today. Oh, and you, of course.

This ain’t a scene: or, The unmentionable deity

Of course I'm probably a little more excited than the next soon-to-be-37-year-old man about the release of the new Fall Out Boy album. Indeed, it's on my wishlist of potential Valentine's and/or birthday gifts. But you know what's funny?

I've been singing along to the new single "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" for a couple of weeks now, whenever it comes on the Kerrang or Scuzz music-TV channels. I may even have caught it on MTV2 once or twice.

Today, though, when I went to SongMeanings.net, I discovered something unexpected. Where I had merrily been singing, "This ain't a scene, it's a damn arms race", along with the falling-out boys, it seems the unexpurgated lyric states: "This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race". And sure enough, I tracked down a version of the song online that confirms this to be true.

So we are now not allowed to use the word "God" in lyrics? Or is it just because it says "goddamn"? Either way, it's fucking stupid and annoying.

Sort of reminds me of the extra whipcracks that have latterly been added to "Gay Bar" by Electric 6, so as to hide the words "war" and "nuclear war" in that song. So instead of the words going "Let's start a war, start a nuclear war," it goes, "Let's start a [whipcrack], start a [whipcrack whipcrack]". How fucking ridiculous is that?

I fucking hate censorship. And speaking of censurial cunts, BlogExplosion has denied me permission to register my movie reviews site, saying "we have deemed the content on your blog as content that is not appropriate for other members". Um, exsqueeze me?

Movie reviews

I have finally finished transferring my backlog of movie reviews over to my movie review site Such As They Are.

Additionally, of course, there are quite a few that are exclusive to that blog, including the most recent additions, United 93 and Inside Deep Throat.

Coming soon: Junebug, The Break-Up, Domino, and more...

General stuff that might interest you

I'm currently loving this, at my friend Candy's blog.

Meanwhile, Wife tells me that the British government doesn't want a worldwide abolition of the death penalty. Click to find out why. It involves America, of course.

And I've also put a couple of new film reviews up at Such As They Are, so why not check 'em out if you haven't already?

Late Christmassy film review

I've put a new review up at Such As They Are: A Christmas Story. Feel free to check it out.

A quiet day, working

I have a couple of things to blog about but have not had much time today. First thing this morning, though, I put up a double-header of reviews over at Such As They Are: Indiscreet and Down With Love. Why not treat yourself and go check 'em out?

Movie time!

I've fallen a bit behind with film reviews (such as they are) lately, and I've got a bit of a backlog, so without further ado, let's get on with them.

From Hell
I approached this film with caution, since I know it's been disowned by comic-book legend Alan Moore, who wrote the original graphic novel on which it is based. He was also the man behind The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and V for Vendetta, and he has also disowned those two films too. So it's safe to say that this man believes film-makers are doing a disservice to his stories. That said, I am a sucker for Johnny Depp films, even ones in which he adopts dodgy Cockney accents. At least his Cockney wasn't as bad as Heather Graham's Irish attempt. Who knew we had travelled such a short distance from the days of Dick Van Dyke as the chimney sweep? I like Jack the Ripper tales, though, and as it happens I don't think this was too bad. Opium wasn't Depp's only addiction, and when he fell for Graham's whore, I couldn't help but wonder whether absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. This one gets a throat-slashing 62 points.

Hercules in New York
It would be unfair to score this since I really saw only 20 minutes or so over lunch the other day. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger's first movie role, and he is so fresh-faced that it's hard to believe that he had even started shaving. This is unmissable if you get the chance. So terribly bad that it's great. In the scenes I saw, Arnie, playing Greek god Hercules, demonstrated his all-round prowess to a New York athletics team, before going off for a horse-and-carriage ride through Central Park with the daughter of the team's coach. Meanwhile, a European brown bear escapes from the zoo and finds its way into the park, whereupon Arnie wrestles and boxes the beats to the ground, thankfully subduing rather than killing it (not like that cunt from Metallica, who goes shooting bears in Russia for fun). The great thing about the bear scene, which takes place after dinner one autumn evening, is that it moves from dead-of-night-darkness to midday daylight. Fucking insane! This fish-out-of-water tale is really the forerunner of Borat, but 30 years earlier. Not scored.

Historias Mínimas (Minimal Stories)
From the maker of Bombón El Perro comes another wonderful little flick. I enjoyed this much more than Bombón because I wasn't expecting danger at every turn. It's a story of three folk from the same small Patagonian town heading to the city, some 200 miles away, for various reasons. There's barely a word more suitable for this than just "delightful". In the best possible way. Not much happens really for us as viewers; the journey here is all about the characters. I can't say fairer than 75 for this one.

Night Watch
This is currently in rotation on Film 4 in the UK, so if vampires are your thing, why not check it out? It's a Russian movie, apparently the first in a trilogy, and it was actually quite enjoyable. Not wholly original, though, since it clearly draws a lot of influence from both the Blade and Highlander franchises. What I will say, though, is that it is über-fucking-stylish. Also, I watch quite a lot of subtitled movies, and this one absolutely takes the cake for its subtitling. The humble text at the bottom of the screen almost becomes a character in its own right: coloured red it shifts in the water like the blood flowing from a child's nose; when a computer geek talks, the letters appear on screen one word at a time, as though being typed; when someone shouts, the words grow to half the size of the screen; when a character gasps, the words shimmer and flutter. They also sit on a plane somewhere within the action, so a person might walk past and wipe the words away as they move. The subtitling in this movie is great. And the movie's okay, too. A blood-sucking 64 out of 100.

Cape Haute and Rue Ander

Don't they sound like exotic locations: Cape Haute and Rue Ander? The one could be a French-speaking part of Africa and the other a tiny side street in Paris, maybe. But they're not, are they? I'm just being very silly, aren't I? They are, rather, pretty rubbish clues to my two movie reviews this Thursday morn.

First up, Cape Haute, or Capote as it may be known to some of you.

To be fair, my knowledge of Truman Capote pretty much begins and ends with what I learned during this movie. Of course, I already knew that he wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's and In Cold Blood and that both of those books had been turned into successful movies. But beyond that, zilch, zero, nada, niente. But I'd been looking forward to the Oscar-winning tour de force performance by Philip Seymour Hoffman as the eponymous scribe.

The plot is simple: It's 1959, and author Capote goes on a magazine-column mission to report on the shock random murder of an entire family in a small town in the middle of nowhere. But when the perpetrators are tracked down and arrested, Capote's involvement grows, as does the scope of his article, which turns into a book: "the first non-fiction novel".

But he can't finish his book until the legal process is over. The ending of the story dictates the ending of his story, you see. And a string of appeals drags the process out and tries Capote's patience. It is here that we start to see Capote as nothing more than a self-serving arrogant prick, and yet his charm and intelligence are such that you know he would be good fun to hang out with, as long as the booze supply was limited.

I thought this was a truly great film. Naturally Hoffman was a standout. But then he is probably the finest actor working in the world today. Catherine Keener, as Harper Lee, author of To Kill a Mockingbird, was great, too. I think she is a fantastic actor, and time after time I get so pissed off at how underused she is in everything. People should go to the gallows for the talent they waste when employing her for a job, seriously. And Chris Cooper, too: great job.

In fact, this has landed a spot in my list of Films You Should Watch If You Want To Know How To Act: it's right up there with Citizen Kane and Raging Bull. Kudos to Hoffman.

The film doesn't fully hold up to the lead performance, but then how could it? But I do believe that in years to come we will ask ourselves, "How the hell did Brokeback Mountain beat this to Best Movie?"

The Blog About Nowt score for this flick is a shotgun-pumping 82 out of 100.

And so to Rue Ander, or rather Shooting Dogs, which is set in Rwanda and is about the genocide there in 1994.

It's obvious that I'm going to compare this with Hotel Rwanda, which I watched a wee while back. Much of the background info is obviously the same, but the setting is new: this time we're in a technical college rather than a hotel, and the heroes of the hour are a Catholic priest and his young protegé.

Immediately after watching it, I felt that it wasn't as strong as that other film. For example, I hated the young male lead. Hated, hated, hated. Maybe it's a class thing, but he just came across as an annoying wimpy ponce, which, granted, the script kind of implied he was, when his character says something like: "I grew up with everything, so I came here to give something back. Sometimes I give myself a pat on the shoulder and say, 'You're starring in your own Oxfam ad'." Indeed, he realizes what a terrible cliché he is. Still, it didn't stop me from finding him annoying as fuck.

And John Hurt as the priest. I don't know... I just don't get priests. He just came across as a deluded, crazy old fool.

Of course, all of this can't take away from the horrific situation that people like this were living through. But at the end of the day, most of them walked away back to their safe European homes and left the locals to be machete'd to death. Nice. This period in such recent history should be a huge blot on the UN's conscience. But I fear it is merely indicative of what a shitty, toothless waste of space it really is.

On the plus side, this film at least didn't have the happy Hollywood ending that Hotel Rwanda had (I'm talking within the setting of the film, rather than of the war itself, obviously), and I can't help thinking how much better this film might have been if made by the team behind that other movie and with different actors. (Although even this film had to have a tacked-on "five years later" happy coda.)

Bottom line: Good horrible story, unappealing actors, annoying epilogue. 62 out of 100

To see how these two films rank alongside all the others I've reviewed in these pages, check out this post.

TV sucks; films rule

All I'm doing at the moment is working and watching films. I love watching films. It's way better than watching TV, for example. With a few exceptions, such as great wildlife series that have taken years to make, or the occasional documentary, television is mostly shit. Sure, we all watch the odd reality show or soap or whatever, but deep down we know it's shit. We watch it just for the escapism, or to look at someone less fortunate than ourselves, glad that we're not in their shoes.

But films are art. It may sound shallow, but I can never truly trust someone who says they don't like films. Y'know, people have actually said to me that they can't watch films. They don't have the attention span. Or they're just "not interested". Huh? I don't get that. It doesn't matter what you are into in life, there is a film for you, just as there is a book for you, or a painting, or even a TV show. To simply be "not interested" in films is ridiculous.

So -- didn't you just know it? -- all of this preamble is leading up to yet another film review (such as they are). The film I watched most recently (two nights ago) is a rare second viewing. Rare these days, that is. I used to rewatch films often, but not so much now.

Samuel Fuller's Pickup on South Street is a real class act that works on several levels. Despite being a film noir, this was actually made more than a decade after The Maltese Falcon, and this distance has helped Fuller to get a bit post-modern on the genre. There is a humour throughout the picture that you just don't see much of in those earlier noirs. The speed with which Candy falls in love with Skip, for example, is laughable, but you go with it because you know you're going to get paid off in spades later. But not in Sam Spades, because this is Fuller's world, and the detective can never be the guy you root for.

The plot revolves around some pickpocketed microfilm of US governmental secrets that is on its way to being sold to the Commies. Well, it's 1953, folks, and the red threat was all around. But this isn't really the point. The microfilm is the MacGuffin that drives the story. Don't get me wrong -- the story is slight, but what do you expect in 80 mins?

What you should expect is fun and action and the subversive take that Fuller brings to all his pictures. Never one to shy away from the ugly truth, Fuller takes the Bogart-style slaps across women's faces that are so commonplace in noir and shows us the deep bruising and swollen jaws that follow. The wide-angle tracking shot that Fuller uses to shoot the brawl between Candy and her traitor boyfriend Joey is a real eye-opener. It's brief, but in these days of fast cutting and close-ups and half the time not having a clue where you're supposed to be looking, this approach looks as fresh now as it did then. Gritty and real. A true tussle unfolding before you in real time.

Aaahh, you know, I liked this film. It's not a great film, as I said, in terms of story, but it's a simple tale brilliantly told and expertly made. If you're not familiar with Fuller's work, pour yourself a Scotch on the rocks, get your best dame beside you, and check this out. Shit, even if you like Fuller and you know this film well, why not pour yourself a Scotch on the rocks, get your best dame beside you, and check this out again?

What's the scores on the doors, then? I'll give it 72.

Movie time!

It's been a loooooong time since I did any film reviews (such as they are), so I need to rectify that here. I'll keep it brief, though, because... well, because I don't have much time, to be honest. What little "spare" time (if you can call it that) I had today has already been spent shopping and eating burgers. Mmmm... burgers.

So, dear reader, what have I seen recently? I'll tell you, shall I?

Palindromes
I gotta say, I like director Todd Solondz. This is the fourth film of his that I've seen, and ooh yes I detect a theme. Paedophilia, child abuse, sexual abuse, incest. Indeed, all of the above. Solondz frequently dwells on all of these subjects at length, in the process making incredible, touching pieces of cinema that dare to confront subjects that make people feel uncomfortable. Palindromes takes Solondz's normally realist style into a new direction, though. The lead character is played by several different girls, despite most of the action taking place within a time frame of just a few months. These girls go from black to white and skinny to fat. To be honest, the end effect is nowhere near as frustrating/irritating/whatever as you might imagine. And in many ways it works beautifully, suggesting that this is one girl under discussion, but it could be anyone. Solondz either is your thing or he ain't. He's definitely mine, and I think this is one of his strongest works. I give this a massive 71.

Bombón El Perro
Already reviewed by my dear wife, this film will indeed warm the cockles of your heart -- once it's over. You know what? I found it just a little stressful to watch. You so rarely see films that are this nice and rewarding and optimistic; so when you do, you get the terrible feeling that it's all going to go horribly wrong at every turn! It didn't. Beautiful, both to look at and as a story. 74 points.

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
Getting our Halloween viewing off to an early start, we sat down to watch this over the weekend. I really knew nothing about this film, so it was all fresh to me. And I've got to say, I was gripped. What performances! What a tale! What (melo)drama! I love good old movies, and I'm amazed that this one has passed me by for so long. Catch it on TCM or pay to rent the DVD. It's well worth it. Number 73 for this one.

Next: Caché (Hidden) and whatever else we dig up for All Hallow's Eve. Mwuhahahahahahahaha!

Death of a President

Event television, that's how they describe stuff like Death of a President. And even if "they" don't in this particular case, I would.

I'd heard of this movie for the first time just a few short weeks ago, but I didn't realize it was British-made until yesterday. I also didn't realize that it was going to get a theatrical (cinema) release in the US, while we would get a best-seat-in-the-house TV screening.

As ever in my reviews (such as they are), I don't want to give too much away here. The premise of the movie, though, is a look at the sequence of events following the assassination of George W Bush on 19 October 2007, including the arrest of the prime suspect.

This was a compelling movie. Indeed, it was so well made, generally speaking, that it felt totally real. There are some visual effects used here and there -- placing actors playing Secret Service men into scenes with Bush, for example -- but it's handled with expertise and nothing really jars on that front.

The film holds up well, too, in tone and feel in comparison with similar movies, documentaries, etc that we've all seen on the JFK evidence and conspiracies, meaning that it has good "real" feel to it, even though there are a couple of instances where it was perhaps overacted a tiny bit. Nothing too over the top, but just the odd chink in the armour of naturalism.

What is key, though, is how scary are the prospects of what would happen in such a situation. The erosion of personal liberties in the post-9/11 world fully informs this film, and it takes but the smallest of leaps in imagination to guess what type of shit would be acceptable after the assassination of a president in the third millennium.

Stirring stuff, this. I give it 66 out of 100.

Flicks galore

These are the movies I've watched over the past week or so...

Duma
I watched this coming-of-age-with-a-cheetah movie several days ago but have fallen behind somewhat ni the posting of my reviews (such as they are). Wife has already posted her own review, and her opinion pretty much echoes mine on this one. Check it out. I give this movie 60 out of 100.

Eye of the Beholder
To be fair, I didn't watch all of this. By the time I switched it on, about 25 minutes had passed. Even so, I think I am in an okay position to judge, despite the fact that I didn't have the faintest idea what the premise was until I looked it up online. I'm not the world's biggest Ewan McGregor fan, although I think he has put in some fine performances in a handful of films. Given the silliness of this movie, I think he did a pretty good job. He starred opposite Ashley Judd (pictured above). I happen to think Judd is an okay actress, but she wasn't required to do much here but smuggle peanuts once in a while. Not that that wasn't appreciated, but it's hardly acting. A rather disappointing 45.

Message in a Bottle
I have a strange, and largely inexplicable, liking of Kevin Costner. Despite the fact that he's hardly been in a single decent movie for more than a decade, I kind of admire him. It may have something to do with how likable he came across on Inside the Actors Studio when it was his turn to chat with James Lipton. Oops, I guess I've just given away how I feel about this picture, haven't I? Booooooring. Slooooooow. Unsatisfying. That said, if you do find yourself watching it through no fault of your own, Paul Newman does put in a great performance. And it's not as bad as the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I give Message in a Bottle a lowly 33 points.

(By the way, if you've seen both the remake and the original of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, feel free to go here and voice your opinions over which is best. It's been getting pretty heated...)

Movies I’ve seen of late

I've fallen well behind with my film reviews (such as they are) lately, so in this one post I aim to get fully up to speed. So, what have I seen lately?

The Color of Paradise
Wow, what an interesting experience this was. To the best of my knowledge, this was the the first Iranian film I've seen. I know nothing about film-making in Iran. What I will say before I move on to the movie itself is this: I suspect Iran is a young country in terms of film-making. I think what I witnessed in this film is a country finding itself in film. And that, regardless of anything else, is a great reason to see this movie. I checked Iran on IMDb to help put things in perspective: IMDb lists 1,199 films that are either Iranian or are joint ventures including Iran. There are 188,583 films listed that are either US or US + others, and 35,092 UK or UK + others. So while this is not quite akin to watching The Great Train Robbery or The Birth of a Nation, it is a really exciting time to join the party. And the film was good, too. It tells the tale of a young blind boy whose father doesn't want him. He is struggling on his own since the death of his wife, and he has a potential new wife on the horizon, as well as two daughters. A blind boy just doesn't fit into his plan. This is a slow, deliberate, moving tale. The acting is solid throughout, but the direction is really quite special. Personally, I prefer films with a bit more dialogue, but this was a very beautiful film in the way it was told and the way it was handled. I rate this film at 67 out of 100.

Two Brothers


This was a no-brainer, really. Lots of footage of cute tiger cubs playing in the jungles of Southeast Asia. Sure, you know it's all going to go horribly wrong for them, and Wife's gonna be grabbing the Kleenex throughout, but what can you do? I'm not going to give anything away here. Watch the film for the tiger footage. Ignore the humans' bad acting. There are only two real stars in this film, and they both have four legs. Tough to score this, because as a film it is formulaic and a bit rubbish. As an admonishment for how fucking stupid humans have been and continue to be towards the animals with which we share the world, it works on a certain level. But we all knew that already. As a visual feast of tiger fun, it's great. I dunno: 46?

Murder on a Sunday Morning
I like documentaries. And this one won the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature in 2002, so it should be good. (Not that Oscars necessarily mean much when it comes to mainstream fare, but y'know...) The story here revolves around a fatal shooting of a white, 60-something tourist in Florida in 2000. The assailant was a young black man. A young black man (a boy, in fact, since he was just 15 at the time) is arrested and tried for the murder. This film follows the defence team in their bid to have the boy acquitted. It's a fascinating real-life look at the sort of stories that have fascinated us through the years -- from Anatomy of a Murder, to The Accused, Murder in the First, and beyond. Compelling viewing. It was on the More4 channel here in the UK, so it may get a rerun in the coming days. Look out for it. I give this film 70 points.

The other film I saw over the past couple of days is reviewed at Escape Artists Never Die.

Walks and dogs and fences and films – phew!

Well, what a busy weekend, which is why there was such a lack of posts.

I started Saturday with a full English breakfast and a two-hour walk in Whitstable. Red has most of the details in this post over at her blog. One thing she missed out, though, was our encounter with The Hound of the Motherfucking Baskervilles.

There we were, about halfway through our walk, and I'm taking some pics of the missus with a nice seascape kind of background, when all of a sudden she says, "Omigod, omigod, look out * (asterisk)!" The next thing I hear is this clumping of hooves behind me and a loud panting sound.



I turn around and see some sort of fucking pitbull making a beeline for us. Now, I'm pretty much a dog person, and Red loves 'em too, but you've got to be a little nervous when a pitbull comes at you at around Mach 2. The hairs (little fine blonde ones, of course) on Red's arms were proper on end, man, and she's particularly scared of pitbulls and bull terriers and the like. And how can you blame her, when you hear all these tales of maulings?

I called the dog over to me and put on my excited-to-see-you-and-not-a-tiny-bit-scared-so-you-can't-smell-my-fear voice, all the while keen to keep my hands and face away from his 17-inch-long vice-like teeth. The owner wasn't far behind and he called the dog back, not that the dog took any notice, just kept running around our ankles and panting. He just wanted to play, really, but it was an interesting couple of minutes. We figured the guy wouldn't have him off the lead if he was dangerous; although, tellingly, he put him back on the lead after our encounter...

Did a bit of work the rest of the day, and then Sunday did a bit of mundane stuff, like putting up a fence in the back garden to prevent the Satan child next door from climbing over again. That really fucking pisses me of when he does that.

Oh yeah, I also put some lipstick on the missus. She might post about that in the coming days. Turns out I'm not very good at it. And the lipstick is a bit more permanent than we had expected. Oops.

I sort of got back on track with some movie watching, too, clocking up three films in total. So I'll be putting up some reviews, such as they are, in the coming hours.