The boys are back in town

Thanks to everyone for my birthday wishes. I had a good deal of fun, even though it was a tiring weekend and we had to make certain compromises regarding "the pox".

Here are the boys, in the heart of cow and cider country. So, who knows where they are, and who knows whom this statue depicts (just for fun, y'know)?

I’m gonna party like it’s my birthday

Cos it's my motherfucking birthday, yo!

Off to cow and cider country this morning, so I'll catch y'all after the weekend.

I bought a diary

I rarely use a diary. I mean, an appointments type of diary, not like a journal/blog type of diary. I bought one last year and never used it. But this year is already looking to be busy, and I'm already getting confused about what's happening when. And that's before starting to schedule in work.

I've mentioned before that there are a couple of things on the horizon: my new nephew's christening; my mother-in-law's birthday trip (the wife and I are taking her away); about ten tattoo sessions (I have booked three 3-hour slots already); hopefully at least a couple of weekend breaks and a proper-length holiday... Y'see, it all starts to mount up.

And now I'm also having to pencil in some periodontist time. Not content with all the dentist trips at the end of last year, it seems that I now have to do a bunch this year, too. So that's something else to schedule in.

So I bought a diary. I've filled in some of the dates I already know, and I guess I'll add in others as I go along. I don't make resolutions of the new year type, but maybe this is something I will try to stick to.

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But for now there's only one thing to occupy my mind:
it's Red's birthday today!!!
So we are trying to burn through our workload ASAP and then take the rest of the day off. Then tonight I'm taking her out to dinner at the poshest restaurant in the area. It's Michelin-starred and we've been there before, so we know it's great.

Shame the weather is so damn schifo today, y'know. It's really made the missus think back to the wonderfully sunny days we had this time last year in the delightful Seville. I'm thinking we should go there for her birthday every year...

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On the subject of dentists, these are currently my favourite lyrics.

Take these teeth
All they do is fucking cause me grief
They ain't working for me
I can't even think.
When the lights go on
I grip this chair
I don't feel so strong
Anything could happen, it could all go wrong.
All those wasted nights
All the times when I lost the fights
Are right before my fucking eyes in print.
The figure on this fucking page
Has wiped the smile right off my face:
Eight hundred pounds is a lot to pay when you're skint.

Take these teeth
Just for a second I need some fucking relief
They're keeping me awake and I can't sleep.
Can you drain the blood?
I've swallowed so much I think I want to throw up.

Can't you see that I've had enough?
Can you drain the blood from my fucking mouth?

"I Promise This Won't Hurt", Gallows

End-of-year round-up

Seven things from 2007

Readers of this blog will already know much of what I did or that happened in my life over the course of the past 12 months, but I just wanted to do a little précis for my own interest to make myself feel good at what can be a depressing time of year.

1. I got tattooed on no fewer than five separate occasions, totalling three completely new tattoos and finishing off one older one that had been languishing in limbo. That's more tattooing than I've ever previously had in one year.

2. I received a letter and a box of goodies from author Chuck Palahniuk, to whom I had written late in 2006. Chuck is a god and a legend, and this was a fucking rad start to a new year. It arrived the day we left for Seville, so I only had a quick look before leaving...

3. Speaking of Seville, I, along with my dearly beloved wife, travelled out of the country on five separate occasions, visiting a total of six -- count 'em! -- new cities: Seville, Granada, Còrdoba, Taormina, Catania, and Valencia. That's more travelling and more cities than I've ever done in one year.

4. The wife and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. That's some feat, my friends, in these days of constant reminders of failed romance everywhere you look. And you know: she ain't a bad chick. The years have gone quickly, and I look forward to sharing the next decade with her. And the next, and the next...

5. It was a momentous year, too, for celebrations. Between our combined families, we celebrated not only our 10th wedding anniversary, but also a new birth, a turning-teenage birthday, and birthdays for a 30th, a 40th, a 50th, a 60th, a 70th, and an 80th! AND my mum got married again. Now that is quite astonishing, I think!

6. Red and I had had our first MIRL. Milla and her man Zorro were the lucky recipients of our presence, while we were the lucky recipients of their yummy food and hospitality. MIRLing was fun. We'll do it again one of these days, I hope.

7. I spent several hours in hospital. While this is, thankfully for me, not up there with the medical horridness that several of my blogmates have been through this year (stand up, Martha, for your courage under the most trying of times), it's not something I am terribly accustomed to... and I hope never to be. Hospitals in the UK are dirty, disease-ridden hellholes. Thank fuck it was only a few hours.

So... it was a year, that's for sure. I don't know what 2008 has in store. Who does? But one thing is for sure, I can't imagine it being as full of stuff as '07.

So what's on the horizon? We have our first gig lined up for the end of January; I have my first appointment to get my tattoo backpiece started at the beginning of February; March is my birthday; April looks like a trip to Germany... Hell, maybe it will be as action-packed. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, I'd like to take a moment to wish everyone who stumbles upon my writings -- but most especially those of you who come back time and again and with whom I've developed something as close to friendship as any I have in real life -- a really great 2008. Take care out there, my friends.

Back from my travels

... But not without a close encounter with this little lady, among other things.

It was my dad's 60th birthday, so the wife and I went off to see the family. Talk about a relaxing break. No, not relaxing... the other thing. Exhausting, that's it.

All we did was eat pork or beef, then drive on to the next place where we could eat pork or beef. I put on 1.3 kg (2.86 lb) between leaving Saturday morning and when we arrived back home at Tuesday lunchtime. My meals were:


Saturday lunch: Faggots and mash with gravy (above), with vegetables.
Saturday dinner: Scallops on a bed of lentils, followed by steak with a morel mushroom sauce and potato dauphinoise, followed by chocolate and pear tart with cream.
Sunday breakfast: Full English -- i.e., bacon, eggs, sausage, mushroom, tomatoes, and toast (with eggs laid by hens of which the girl at the top is one of 60).
Sunday lunch: Roast beef with all the trimmings, followed by white-chocolate cheesecake topped with blueberries.
Sunday dinner: Garlic mushroom on pesto, followed by beef stroganoff with rice, chips, and garlic bread, followed by strawberry-and-vanilla cheesecake with cream and ice cream.
Monday breakfast: Full English.
Monday lunch: Ham and eggs with chips.
Monday dinner: Breaded garlic mushrooms, followed by bangers and mash with peas and onion gravy, followed by a slice of chocolate birthday cake.
Tuesday breakfast: Full English.

Wow... that almost makes me want to gag now! The first three meals were the best, but then they were at the Michelin-starred restaurant/B&B that we stayed at. The food there is absolutely fantastic, and whenever we visit my family we make sure we have at least one meal there. This time it was three meals, since we hadn't been for so long!

Families, though, eh? They can be stressful, and no messing. I'll move on to that in my next post...

Birthday dinner

No pictures of my birthday dinner, I'm afraid. It's funny: when we are on holiday abroad, the missus and I almost never feel any shame in whipping out the camera and photographing every course in detail, but here in the UK it just seems so wrong! So we didn't even take the camera out of the house with us. And I'm kind of glad of it, to be honest, because we would have been rather conspicuous.

I knew in advance that the restaurant I/we had chosen was a bit posh. But I thought it was going to be just that: a bit posh. I mean, it's only 7 miles from our house, so how posh could it be, right?

Wrong!

It turns out it was only the second restaurant I've been to in my life where you have to ring a doorbell to gain admission. (The first one, incidentally, was also for my birthday dinner, two years ago, in Rome. Seems I am something of a high-class motherfucker after all, choosing all this fancy shit for my "special day".)

So the door is opened, and we are greeted and allowed in (phew!). Our coats are taken and we're shown to the lounge/bar area and asked what we want to drink. It being a celebration, we chose the Champagne. (To be fair, being Italian-ish, we asked for Prosecco, which is kind of Italian Champagne, but they didn't have it; they informed us that the house Champagne was Pol Roger.) So we has a glass each, and they soon brought us the menus and a little plate of appetizers: olives (yuk), two teeny-weeny cheese on toasts, and a couple of anchovy breadstick things. The cheese on toast was deeelish!

We ordered from the menus next. Red opted for a first course of pumpkin risotto, followed by the steak with (I think) dauphinoise potatoes and parsnips. I chose the first course of Parma ham with caramelized pears, rocket, and Parmesan shavings, followed by the veal escalope with capers and a fried egg on top. (This latter dish should also have anchovies, but I didn't fancy that so had them left off; I also left all the capers.) Side orders of vegetables accompanied the main courses: spinach, roast potatoes, and baby carrots.

But before the first course came, we had another freebie dish, this time a celeriac soup with croutons. The soup was in a teacup, and the croutons were set on a teaspoon on the edge of the saucer! It was really yummy, as was all of the food.

For dessert (cos I just gotta!) I had the clementine cheesecake with a lemon posset (whatever the fuck that is; even the waiter didn't know!) and a citrus sorbet. So kind of like three desserts in one. The cheesecake was DIVINE... the best cheesecake I have ever tasted. So damn light and smooth. Unbelievable!

Man, but this was a posh fucking joint, I tell you. The table of four next to us, which was full of nouveau riche cunts, just kept the Champagne flowing all night. We counted three bottles that they ordered, and at least one of the women didn't seem to be drinking. They were those loud-but-stupid types, y'know. They love for everyone to hear what they're saying, but they don't know what the fuck they are on about.

The one woman had a voice that made you want to strangle her: a real common Kentish accent with a squeaky stupidity added in for good measure. Her partner was a builder from what I could make out. But not like a good, honest, grafting builder; more like one of those builders that owns the business and can sit on his arse all day getting other people to do the manual labour. He sounded more Londony than Kentish, but he was vile, too. He was talking about being at some bloke's house and said, "But, y'know, I don't think he was a poof" at the top of his voice. I'm no prude and that, but I think it's unacceptable to be quite so brazen with your bigoted terminology in a refined environment.

Anyway, that is all by the bye, I suppose, with the exception of Red saying that they kind of spoiled the evening for her. Still, at least we had a good laugh at their expense. And blogged about how fucking vile they were. Ha! Take that, suckers!

It turned out to be the most expensive meal we've ever eaten, and yet we only had three glasses of Champagne between us, in terms of alcoholic beverages. Put it this way, there wasn't much change from £150 between the two of us once the tip was added in. (And we don't do crazy 75 per cent tips, or whatever the new norm is for you guys in the States.)

All in all, though, a very pleasant evening. And it led perfectly into today, which is International Woman's Day. So to all you international women out there (including my very own international woman), have a great eighth of March!

It’s my birthday, hurrah!

Yes, boys and girls, today, yours truly is 37 years old. On this day in 1970, I took my first breaths of Earth air.

It's been quite a ride so far, let me tell you, but I'm pleased to be able to say I'm in a good place right now. The best ever. The love of a good woman is a wonderful thing.

On that note, I'd like to wish every happiness to my blogmates Suze and Alex. For those of you who don't know, Alex proposed to Suze via a blog post a few days ago. And although she kep us waiting for her answer, it was a resounding yes.

Well, I promised you pictures, and pictures you shall have. Herewith, before and after shots of Stage One of my latest tattoo (paid for by the missus for my b'day prezzie), which -- did I mention? -- is a cover up of a tattoo I got almost 16 years ago, with money I received for my 21st birthday.

Enjoy!


This is the "before" shot. I took this image off a postcard for fetish club The Torture Garden, which I picked up at Kensington Market when I first visited London in the early 1990s. For me, it tied in with the imagery of early Adam & The Ants' songs. Unfortunately, the tattoo never came out that great (difficult picture, shit tattooist). For those of you into art, the original image was by British artist Allen Jones. I found this out years later, but the following coincidence was not lost on me: Adam Ant's unfinished art-college thesis was on the work of Allen Jones.



Before you ask, yes, tattooing makes you bleed! What you see here is mostly blood and plasma wrapped in clingfilm. Well, no one ever said it was going to be easy!



You can still see the blood and gunk here, but you also get a sense of the tattoo.



And this is how it looked this morning, after removing the dressing and giving it a good hot shower and soap-down. I think it's pretty fucking excellent, and tattooist Xam at Frith Street Tattoos has done a great job.



Here's a close-up detail of the panther's face. You can also see the great claws here, too.



And check out the beautiful green of the snake's head.

Some stuff

We are in a slightly unusual situation at Casa AsteRed right now: Red is rushed off her feet, juggling at least five projects; and I've currently got hardly anything on.

That's not quite true about me, since when I have no work on, that usually changes within minutes. In the meantime, though, I am of course helping out the missus with her workload. Especially cos she's not feeling very well still.

Also, look out for some fun stuff coming this way in the next few days. Should that say "even more fun stuff"? Well, whatever...

It's my niece's birthday today: she's nine. Awww. Happy birthday, C. xx

People who are into David Lynch can head over to Such As They Are to check out my review of his movie Lost Highway.

Inland Empire

Now don't tell me you don't know what Inland Empire is. It's the new David Lynch film, and I've mentioned it here before.

I've just finished reading a great article about it in the latest issue of Sight & Sound, and I am more excited than I've been about a movie in yeeeaaars, let me tell you.

And it comes out on 9 March, perfect timing for it to be my birthday-week movie.

Trouble is, I feel bad for Wife. It's no secret how much she hates Lynch and his films (with the possible exception of The Straight Story), and she has previously told me in no uncertain terms that she won't sit through another. (Mulholland Dr. drove her to the ice-cream stand, and she doesn't even eat ice cream.)

I felt compelled to point out that she has hated the last two films we sat through as her birthday movies (Lost in Translation and Brokeback Mountain), so how much more fun should she expect to have watching a film that she didn't choose?

Looks like she might concede... as long as she can bring the iPod. Well, what more can I ask for?

Thinking about things, like a walk in the park, things, like a kiss in the dark

Actually, I'm not thinking about things like that at all. Well I do occasionally go for a walk in the park, and that's nice. I'm enjoying walking more often. And it's the best way to explore a new city when you go away for a break.

I'm not thinking about a kiss in the dark, either. Although I do occasionally have kisses in the dark. Best not say any more about that, though ;-)

What I am thinking about follows.

1. My birthday. It's only four weeks away today. In four weeks -- that's two fortnights, twenty-eight days, etc -- I will be 37 years old. It's weird, because just yesterday I was thinking that I was 38. So realizing I'm not even 37 yet makes me feel even younger. Maybe this is one of the greatest things about being a toy boy: you already see that being older is not so bad.

2. Valentine's Day. It's only one week away, guys, so don't forget to buy something nice and/or make a special effort for the loved one in your life. At the risk of sounding like a brown-noser (or should that be "pussy-whipped wuss"?), I try to do nice stuff year round for my woman. Sometimes I fail, though. It seems I criticize more than I ought to. I don't even realize I'm doing it, so I'm gonna make a real effort to fix that.

3. Work. Face it, we all gotta do it from time to time. It's taking me away from blogging as much as I'd like, too. Oh well. Actually, that's not strictly true. I somehow find time to write a post each day, but I'm struggling to find time to visit all my fave hangouts. Sorry to you all, but I am making efforts to rectify that too.

4. The weather. Apparently we're going to be hit with a shitload of snow over the next 24 hours. Brrrrrr. The logs are in the cellar ready for a nice open fire.

5. Spring cleaning. Yes, I know that's a bit of a girlie thing to think about, but our cellar is a damn mess. There are two DVD players to throw out (they don't work) and one 24-inch TV, which I suspect no longer works because it's been in the cellar too long. There's also a huge stack of videotapes to sort out, and a big box full of paper to recycle. PLUS we have to sort out the lounge because we have a new piece of furniture coming soon, so we need to make room for it.

6. Cat. He hasn't blogged in a long while, and I fear his few readers are losing patience. It's not through want of trying; he just never gets a look in on the computers these days. He sends his apologies.

7. Films. I am loving watching movies again recently, so much so that I can't keep on top of my reviews (such as they are).

8. The new David Lynch film Inland Empire. This is the film I am most looking forward to this year. Tomorrow there is a screening in London, with a Q&A with Lynch afterwards. I entered a competition to win tickets, but I doubt I'll get them. And even if I do, with the impending snowstorm set to paralyze the nation, I'm not sure I could get there and back...

Anyways, I think that's all I'm thinking about today. Oh, and you, of course.