Beach bums

When you're a kung-fu master, there's almost nothing better than hanging out with your pirate friend on the beach. Sure, being made of twine makes swimming a bit of a problem, but you can stand around on the pebbles and look pretty fucking groovy. It's also cool to shout "Cunts!" at passers-by, or to laugh at the way the local youths are so illiterate that they can't even spell the most essential of curse words:



But I like to do my bit for those less fortunate, too.



I'm glad Karen sent me to Kent. It's fun here! (As long as you're not a real person...)

And now the Oscars

Best Film: No Country for Old Men
Best Directing: Coen Brothers, No Country for Old Men
Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Best Actress: Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose
Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Best Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

So, acting-wise, it seems the rest of the world is giving America a masterclass. No surprises there, given that most American movies these days don't require much work of their actors: hence they don't build their talents in quite the same way.

Controversial opinion maybe, and certainly I'm not denying that there are some great American actors out there. But most of those who are truly great have tried spreading their wings a little beyond their own comfort zones.

Truth be told, of course, No Country for Old Men was not the best film of the year. I mean, it wasn't even the best film of the year that I saw, and I saw very few new releases. It was okay, nothing more. Honestly, I thought Sweeney Todd was better, and you'll be able to read my review of that soon, over at that other blog of mine.

First, the Razzies

Worst film: I Know Who Killed Me
Worst actor: Eddie Murphy in Norbit
Worst actress (tie): Lindsay Lohan as twin sisters Aubrey and Dakota in I Know Who Killed Me
Worst supporting actress: Murphy in Norbit
Worst supporting actor: Murphy in Norbit
Worst screen couple: Lohan & Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me
Worst remake or rip-off: I Know Who Killed Me, based on several films
Worst prequel or sequel: Daddy Day Camp
Worst director: Chris Siverston for I Know Who Killed Me
Worst screenplay: Jeffrey Hammond for I Know Who Killed Me
Worst excuse for a horror movie (New Category): I Know Who Killed Me

Tomorrow, the Oscars.

And now for something completely different...

I never thought I'd see the day when I post a picture of Paris Hilton on my blog. It's not that I'm a Paris hater as such; just that I don't think she is particularly interesting or of much value to the world at large. But then, who among us is, in the grand scheme of things?

Anyway, here she is, in a great Photoshopped photo, courtesy of Freaking News. Click to big it up for a closer look. (All rights reserved, and all that.)

Birthday girls and payment fascists

It's one of those times... those times when I'm too busy to post much or to get around and visit many blogpals. Those of you who check in at Such As They Are will notice my daily posts there have dried up for a wee while too. Time, time, time...

My workload... our workload, really, since the wife and I help each other with projects as the need arises... is like that. You can be doing very little for a few weeks, even months, and then suddenly you're snapped into 12-hour days and considering doing after-dinner shifts too.

"Can't complain" is our mantra at such times. "It's all money towards the mortgage." And it's true, we can't complain; it's all money towards the mortgage.

But some people don't pay on time. Some people take the piss when it comes to paying. I'm currently chasing an invoice for work we did in mid-November. It's annoying. Especially so because we are expected to continue delivering work on time for the same client. Gets my goat.

Pah!

But I'm trying to find time to play my Scrabulous moves, and mostly I'm keeping on top of that!

And I'm even getting birthday packages sent out on time. Today it's my niece's 10th birthday. Double figures at last! You remember hitting double figures, what a momentous birthday occasion that is? I bet she's super-psyched today.

I had the Devil's own time trying to find her the one gift she really wanted. Not to mention having to embarrass myself at three different shops: HMV, Zavvi, and WH Smith. What was it she wanted? The Pop Party 5 CD. I still couldn't get it. Prices ranged from £8 to £16 within just a few metres of each other, but the £8 shops were out of stock, and I sure as hell wasn't going to pay £16. Anyway, long story short, Zavvi ordered it for me at the £8 price, but who knows when she'll get it in the mail...?

Still, in the meantime she's got a T-shirt, a Dirty Dancing CD, and some badges to keep her happy.

Anyway, I dunno what else to write so I'm off to do some work. Ta-ra for now, amigos.

I’m wasting awaaaaayyyyy

Despite all the food consumed last Saturday at the MIRL Red and I had with Milla and Zorro (see Milla's post for details and pics), I'm still losing weight.

I don't think I'm worried just yet, but I'm just surprised how it keeps falling off me when I'm not really making a huge effort to eat less, though I am drinking considerably less alcohol.

Today I check in at just a whisker under what I believe Americans call "a buck fifty" (150lb; 67.9kg; 10st 10lb). I'm looking and feeling better for it, but the upshot is that I've lost about a stone (14lb; 6kg) in about four or five months or so.

Best Film Editing

Hey there!

I'm not likely to post over the weekend, but I have written an article on Best Film Editing for the Large Association of Movie Blogs (LAMB).

Why not go check it out?

Cheers, and have a great weekend!

Sharia law in UK. And football outside of the UK

There's been some talk about Sharia law coming to the UK. It's "inevitable" says the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Um, no, it's not inevitable, you dumb fuck. It's totally fucking evitable. Jesus Christ on a bike, what is wrong with this country? We already have our laws, and they are perfectly abide-by-able for most of us, so why can't the Muslims be expected to live by them too? What's next, special dispensation for Jews? Atheists? Mormons?

"Love it or fucking leave it" -- that's the US motto [expletive my own] that I saw plastered all over New York when I went there in February 2002, just five months after 9/11. Sure, it might have been partly jingoistic xenophobia, but the sentiment is absolutely right. Live by our laws, or get the fuck out.

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And another thing...

How is it that the British government -- the same British government that has in recent months advised its citizens to holiday in the UK more to avoid adding to the pollution caused by so much air travel -- how is that they can even allow the British Football (soccer) Association to consider having Premiership matches played in other parts of the world, including New York, Los Angeles, and parts of Southeast Asia, among others. Okay, so it's not yet a done deal, but what the fuck?!

Again, it seems it's one rule for the plebs and another for the big guns. Cunts. They're all a bunch of cunts. Aaaaagghhhhhhh!

Cricked neck

It's been giving me gyp for a couple of days. I knew it would after lying awkwardly on Monday for my tattoo session. It seems like it's on the mend, though, thankfully.

Just reviewed my 150th film over at Such As They Are, though, so feel free to go check out what I'm saying about Monica Bellucci vehicle Malena.

New tattoo (details)

I've decided I won't post my tattoo on this blog. Well, certainly not yet, and maybe not ever. The final image that we came up with is a one-off, and unfortunately people are prone to taking images from websites and copying them.

Most tattooed people, of course, borrow and adapt other images (including tattoos), and once something is on the Web, it is incredibly difficult to prevent said borrowing -- or, worse, theft.

It's perhaps hypocritical of me to say this, given how many images I take from websites for use on this blog: politicians, musicians, actors, etc. But I know I'm a hypocrite and make no bones about it!

So, I'm really happy with the way it has come out so far. There's a long road ahead of me, and many womanhours for the wife of soaping me up and rinsing me down, before she pats me dry with paper towels. Some gals get all the luck, right?

Anyways, here are a couple of details of the backpiece. Those of you who have expressed an interest will receive an unsolicited mail from me with a small image file of the whole thing attached (provided I can find your e-mail address). If you don't get a mail and would like to see the pic, feel free to leave me a comment or drop me a line and I'll mail it to you.

Ouch...!

So, it turned out that the outlines needed only about two and a quarter hours, but my, how that needle smarts on the fucking spine!

It looks fucking awesome, though, and I will post a couple of pics tomorrow, I expect.

Sunday stuff

1. So, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow yesterday: six more weeks of winter, folks...

2. Also yesterday, it was 29 years since Sid Vicious died. That crazy fool.

3. Also yesterday, it was mine and the missus's ten-and-a-half-year-iversary.

4. Today, 49 years since Buddy Holly died. Next year will be the big one.

5. Tomorrow, I start my backpiece tattoo. Three-hour appointment. Estimated 25 hours' work in all.

Tidying my sock drawer

You know that classic excuse: "Sorry, no can't come out, tidying my sock drawer."

I guess mine would be what I did last night: putting the DVD shelves in order. As we buy discs, we just dump them beside the tiny weeny little hi-fi system that sits at the bottom of the DVD shelves because we are too lazy to shuffle all the discs along to make room for the new ones.

It doesn't help, of course, that we are fast running out of space on the shelves, meaning before long I'll have to add another -- to the top, which means moving everything again.

But it's great when you finish putting them all back in their rightful places. I love alphabetizing things. I'm funny like that. But some aspects of alphabetizing our DVDs drive me mad.

For example: Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 naturally sit side by side, but the third film in the series annoyingly sits under A, for Army of Darkness. Gaaah!

Additionally, some films come in outsized boxes that won't film anywhere but the top shelf -- my huge Eraserhead box, for example. And my limited-edition Region 1 wooden-box version of The Wicker Man (1971, of course). For the former, to maintain alpha order, I used an empty case and put the disc in there; this also eases access. For the latter, the Region 2 version of the same film holds its place in the alphabet.

Here are two pictures (one and two) of our reorganized shelves. I think they look pretty pretty pretty good, no?