I think Mexico should become the 51st state of the USA

I can't take full credit for that headline; it was inspired by something Red said. Why? It was just a response to George "W for Wanker" Bush and his assertion that Turkey must join the EU. What the fuck does it have to do with that cock?

Turkey is fast heading towards being an Islamic nation. The current separation of church (or should that be mosque) and state is looking wobbly. And Meathead Bush thinks this is a prime candidate for EU consideration.

Why don't you go back to what you know best, Georgie Boy? Which is... oh yeah: fuck all. Do we come into your house telling who the fuck should be the next US state? No. Why? Because it's none of our business, just like Turkey being in the EU is none of yours. Dickhead.

In other news, the wife and I are celebrating 12 years since our lips first met across a crowded sofa after a day of sitting in the park chit-chatting and eating in cafes in north London. Twelve years! Awww.

And what better way to celebrate than to mourn the appalling performance of the Italian squad in the Euro Cup football tournament last night? 3-0 they lost to the Netherlands (or Holland, or the Dutch). Buffon is a buffoon. Maybe George Bush could have a word with coach Donadoni about who should be in the Italian goal...

Stuff on my mind

Last night, I watched a documentary on Darfur, Sudan: The Devil Came on Horseback, about a young ex-marine who went to "monitor" and photograph the as-yet-unofficial genocide. I think this film contained probably the most brutal images of human suffering and the depravity of man that I've ever seen. Certainly on TV.

For those of you who have seen films like Hotel Rwanda and Shooting Dogs, the staged images in those films were quite horrible, as I'm sure you remember. But seeing genuine photos of similar crimes is really quite shocking. It's even more shocking, of course, that these photos were taken years after the Rwanda crisis. And now, while Darfur continues to suffer, it's all kicking off in Kenya, too: neighbours and friends macheteing each other to death because of different tribal lines.

I'm gonna come out and say it. Africa is a fucking hellhole. That's not to say I don't feel for the victims of these crimes. Of course I do. What's happening or has happened in the territories named above (among others) is shocking and appalling. But clearly there is something wrong in Africa. Every few years the most minor of supposed political disagreements causes people to grab the nearest axe and start smashing babies' skulls in. Give me a fucking break.

I don't know what we need there. Some would say wipe out the whole fucking continent. Some would suggest we need a dictator; maybe some countries just do need a dictator to keep the scum in order. Some would say let them sort out their own shitstorm. But they are incapable of doing so, as we have seen time and again.

The problem is pan-African. That's the incredible thing. We're not talking the odd country here and there. Even Kenya, now -- long seen as the most stable of African nations -- is a fucking disaster area. And South Africa, the great Rainbow Nation success story: a woman is raped there every 27 seconds. Is this normal? Is this acceptable?

But what the fuck can we do...?

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In other news, it's great to see that George Bush, in his State of the Union speech, has said that when it comes to climate change (aka global warming) every country should do their bit to cut the emission of greenhouse gases and that no country should have a free ride. Um, isn't that what everyone was telling you, Mr Bush, regarding the Kyoto Agreement.

That man is such a cunt, it's astonishing! And now, what? Everyone is supposed to think he's the great forward-thinking world leader? This man has denied the existence of climate change for the past seven years, and now suddenly he's saying no country should get a free ride? The balls on this guy!

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And finally, who was my 40,000th visitor? Well, technically, 40,001st, since number 40,000 was a hit via a lyric search on Google. It was Candy Minx, and then she headed off to my movie reviews page via the little logo on the sidebar. Big Brother is watching, right?

Gaffe of the day?

I know George W Bush hasn't woken up yet, but could it be that criminologist Professor David Wilson has already made the best gaffe of the day?

Talking on Sky News this morning about a new DVD cartoon, Matters2Me, aimed at children and warning them of the dangers of paedophiles, Prof Wilson said that talking down alone does not work; what we also need is a "bottom-up" approach.

Oops.

Bush fires

I can think of one Bush I'd like to set fire to. Is it gratuitous just to say how much I hate Bush for no apparent reason today? I think we have to remind ourselves, even on days when he hasn't done anything newsworthily stupid, what a cunt he is.

And not just him, of course. Blair, too. On his final "world tour" as prime minister. What a fucking arsewipe. Cunts, the lot of 'em.

Seville and elections and Asda, oh my!

Just when we thought Seville couldn't get any better, they go and build this solar power station. Excellent! If you follow the link, there's a little film in the sidebar of that page where you can see how truly cool this is.

Meanwhile, it is polling day in my small town today. While the Spanish are removing troops from Iraq, permitting gay marriage, and building massive solar power generators, we are focusing here on whether or not the public toilets should remain open. This is a "town" with barely any shops worth coming for. Who the fuck do they think needs the public toilets? Certainly they didn't need the public library that used to be here.

And that cunt who currently runs our country has decided not to launch a full independent enquiry into the 7/7 London bombings because it will undermine faith in the security services. Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the fact that we have no faith in the UK's security services the reason we want an enquiry? Arsehole.

And on the subject of arseholes, Bush of course vetoed the plans for withdrawal of US troops from Iraq. I will hold up my hands here and say that I sort of know where he's coming from as regards not wanting to inform "the enemy" of his troops' withdrawal dates. The problem is, though, that I truly don't see Bush ever pulling out of Iraq. He is in this to win it; and if he can't win it, he'll just stay there pretending he's winning it. Prick.

And on the subject of Bush, I shopped at Asda today. The traffic going towards Sainsbury's was just not worth joining, so we headed the other way for our groceries. Asda has started stocking a whole lot of better stuff than they used to. A couple of years back when I was looking for free-range chicken, I was told that they "had some once, by mistake. Someone had ordered the wrong thing." (That is absolutely true!) Now, though, they actually do stock it! Of course, it's all money in Bush's pocket via his Wal-Mart connection.

Man, it's impossible to know what to do for the best sometimes. I'm pretty sure Sainsbury's gives money to Blair's lot anyway. Maybe I need to find a Spanish supermarket... Anyone know of one in the southeast of England?

Serving our country?

You must have had your head under a rock for the past two weeks if you aren't aware of the "international situation" in which the UK found itself with regards to its sailors apparently venturing into Iranian waters.

But you know what? This whole story has really got on my tits.

I have held off from posting about it before because I really don't know where to begin. And even now I'm not sure where I'm going entirely. I'm not one of those bloggers who plans out his posts and then redrafts it a dozen times before posting. Almost 100 per cent of the time I type and post, making a few minor amendments here and there as I go. I like to feel "in the moment". Plus, I don't really have the time to dwell on one post for a week or more.

So, yada yada yada, it's go time!

We saw footage and photos of our brave men and chain-smoking woman. Sometimes they were together; sometimes videotaped separately. Sometimes they were eating; sometimes they were telling the camera, and the world, how sorry they were to have crossed into Iran's waters.

By and large they seemed to be in good health, and they even told us they were being treated well. Within minutes of their release, they were telling news cameras that they were treated well by the Iranians. At their meeting with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the sailors thanked him for looking after them during their "stay".

But now, back on British soil and, more importantly, after having been debriefed, their stories have changed dramatically. They claim they were kept isolated from one another. (In fact, one of the sailors claims they were isolated; another claims they were not allowed to mutter even a word to one another, which I would think was pretty hard if they were in isolation anyway. So much for sticking to the same story...) They claim they were hooded on one occasion and that guns were being cocked behind them; they feared for their lives.

But we are also told that they were allowed to eat and drink and to smoke. That must have pleased the sole female among them, Fay Turney, who seemingly couldn't even make a televised appeal to the British nation without a fag in her hand. I mean, show some decorum, woman.

Am I'm starting to think, "Hold on. These people are supposed to be serving our country. They are supposed to be defiant in capture. Instead they spilled their guts like slaughtered pigs. 'Okay, we'll say we were in your waters. We'll do whatever you say. Please don't put us on trial. Sure, we'll tell Blair to get out of Iraq.'"

I'm not saying they don't have the right to be afraid. Of course they do. But they have behaved like big babies. And now they are coming out with "the truth" all of a sudden? Do me a favour.

I believe that as part of their debrief, they have been told to deliver a load of bullshit now, in order to justify Bush's imminent attack on Iran. An attack that is otherwise almost impossible to allow by international law.

And it's not just me who believes this. President Ahmadinejad claims the same thing too. I wouldn't ordinarily perhaps stand up and be counted alongside such a man. Equally, though, I don't wish to be counted alongside Blair. Or Bush.

No doubt the controvery will rage on. And we'll go to war. And thousands more lives will be lost. Whereas, right now, all that is needed is for us in Britain to shut up. Our "heroes" our back, safe and sound. They have served their country and we should be proud. My only concern is that they might have served their country right on to Bush's dinner plate, ready to be fed into the mouth of another unnecessary war.

We would do well, as a parting shot, to consider the fates of those people in Guantanamo Bay in all this. Compare and contrast what we know about the detention conditions of "our sailors" and those held in Guantanamo. From where I'm standing, I'd say "our sailors" had a fucking easy ride, or a "compulsory vacation", as Ahmadinejad has called it.

Related news links of interest:
Key quotes
What next for captives?
Iran dismisses sailors' accounts
Released sailors tell of ordeal
Mystery shrouds sailors' saga
Iran seeks goodwill over captives
Film pulled from TV schedule

A rack’s a dam and all that stuff

We all knew it was going to happen, of course, but the execution of Saddam Hussein has finally come to pass.

President Bush, we are told, was woken from his sleep (he went to bed at 9pm West Texas time) to hear the news. Wouldn't you think that as leader of the free world he might have stayed up a couple more hours for this momentous occasion? An occasion that has come around due to Bush Jr's illegal war-mongering, invading a country on false pretenses, solely to take revenge on the man who wanted to assassinate the first President Bush.

It's no secret that I think Bush is a cunt. Ditto Blair. A prize pair of cunts, the two of them. And it should go without saying that I have no love for Saddam. He was not a nice man. Did he deserve this fate? Well, maybe yes, maybe no.

Say what you like, though, he went to his death like a fucking hero. And that's how he'll be remembered. Those last few minutes of his life that we've all seen on the news today will live forever. We can only hope that we meet our own deaths with such courage.

And speaking of being remembered... Former Labour party minister Tony Benn said on the 2pm news here today that Blair will be remembered only for doing whatever Bush said. In other words, he will be remembered for being Bush's bitch. What a legacy.

We are the West. We bring freedom and liberty to oppressed nations.

If I may borrow from a film I recently watched: "Stuff it up your arse for nothing, and fuck off while you're doing it."

Polling day

The Italians go to the polls today.

Will they see the light and "sack Berlusconi", as The Economist put it on its front page? Sadly, I doubt it. For all the moaning that Italians do about Berlusconi, they seem to really love him. He's like the J.R. Ewing of Italian politics – except, as far as I know, no one has ever shot him.

In some Italian circles he's commonly known as "the evil dwarf".

Trouble is, this evil dwarf wields a shitload of power.

It makes me proud to know that Tony Blair is such a good friend to Berlusconi and Bush. The unholy trinity. Let's hope Italy can succeed where the UK and the States have failed.

For more on this and other Italy issues, including the struggles young Italians have been facing for the past few years with their country's equivalent of the employment laws currently causing uproar in France, see Beppe Grillo's blog.