“Jolie” – sulla falsariga* of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”

Your beauty is beyond compare
With crazy lips and greasy hair
That tattooed skin you flash for all to see

Your smile is awkward and quite weird
You like to keep us all in fear
But you have lots of cash, that's true, Jolie

You like brown kids and yellow too
You'll take them off to live with you
Won't Brad soon get bored of this, Jolie?

When they hear you're touching down
Third World parents all leave town
They're scared you're going to take their kids, Jolie

Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
I'm begging of you please don't take my kid
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
He doesn't want to live with you and Pitt.

They talk about you in their sleep
Their children they would like to keep
But they heard you'll soon be visiting, Jolie

It's plain, you think, for all to see:
"Their kids are better off with me!"
Is that the mantra that you chant, Jolie?

Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
I'm begging of you please don't take my kid
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
He doesn't want to live with you and Pitt.

* Sulla falsariga is an Italian phrase meaning, in this instance, "sung to the tune and cadence". I like the phrase, and I'm not entirely sure what the English equivalent is. "Parody" doesn't quite seem to do it justice.

Open letter to Tony Blair

You know that bit about separation of Church and State? Suck it up, you washed-up, Bush-bitch, pussy-footing, barefaced-lying, election-promise-breaking, compromise-seeking cunt.

You can't renege on gay rights to adopt just because the Church doesn't want to give babies to what they clearly see as inferior, subversive members of the population. The Church is wrong and is acting in a divisive manner, not in the unifying way that we should be seeking in Britain and the rest of the world at large. Do you not get it, you stupid, hypocritical prick?

When the fuck will you just fuck off and leave us all in peace?

Kind regards,

* (asterisk)
with a tip of the hat to Lee for the letter thing.