Thursday, March 15, 2007

“Jolie” – sulla falsariga* of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”

Your beauty is beyond compare
With crazy lips and greasy hair
That tattooed skin you flash for all to see

Your smile is awkward and quite weird
You like to keep us all in fear
But you have lots of cash, that's true, Jolie

You like brown kids and yellow too
You'll take them off to live with you
Won't Brad soon get bored of this, Jolie?

When they hear you're touching down
Third World parents all leave town
They're scared you're going to take their kids, Jolie

Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
I'm begging of you please don't take my kid
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
He doesn't want to live with you and Pitt.

They talk about you in their sleep
Their children they would like to keep
But they heard you'll soon be visiting, Jolie

It's plain, you think, for all to see:
"Their kids are better off with me!"
Is that the mantra that you chant, Jolie?

Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
I'm begging of you please don't take my kid
Jolie, Jolie, Jolie, Jolie
He doesn't want to live with you and Pitt.

* Sulla falsariga is an Italian phrase meaning, in this instance, "sung to the tune and cadence". I like the phrase, and I'm not entirely sure what the English equivalent is. "Parody" doesn't quite seem to do it justice.

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Blogger Red said...

I think I have tears in my eyes for laughing so hard! Genius.

15 March, 2007 09:29  
Blogger Ron said...

Can we sail down the Nile, on
your pontoon-lipped smile, Jolie?

Unlike Billy Bob, Brad's got no blood vial, Jolie?

Maybe you solve the problem of Darfur,
whisk them all to Malibu, fer sure!

Which is crazier, that idea?'s her, Jolie!

15 March, 2007 10:38  
Blogger Milla said...

AHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!! Wonderful!! Very very good, *A.

15 March, 2007 10:47  
Blogger Tanya said...

Oh that is QUALITY that is. I had this image of the music video in my head with Dolly singing away in some rural African village.

Fucken A. Brilliant stuff, *.

15 March, 2007 11:25  
Blogger Cynnie said...

this is gonna be fun to watch when all those kids hit puberty..

I can't wait!

15 March, 2007 12:54  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Very amusing - and I'm totally with you on the sentiment - can't bear the woman.


15 March, 2007 13:00  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Red: Well, genius might be stretching it a bit, but I thank you nonetheless.

Ron: One could go on forever with all the material she provides.

Milla: Tante grazie.

15 March, 2007 13:04  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Tanya: Heh heh. Well, we do try! I love your idea for a promo video.

Cynnie: Yeah, and when they all start asking about their ancestry and stuff. Should be interesting.

G/puss: i used to think she was all right. I guess most people did. She was wacky and stuff. Now she's just a cretin.

15 March, 2007 13:05  
Blogger Pickled Olives said...

What fun! the word looks cool too, but I need the phoenetic spelling.

15 March, 2007 13:09  
Blogger Lee said...

Absolutely hysterical!

15 March, 2007 13:26  
Blogger Karen said...

You make me giggle *A. More, more, MORE!

15 March, 2007 14:47  
Blogger ldbug said...

Good one! I was amusing myself on the train by imagining her in a sort of re-hab for people who can't stop adopting...

15 March, 2007 15:18  
Blogger Candy Minx said...

American idol is a bit lamer than usual ths time around. I think the winner has to be Lekisha or "Kiki" no? I like Blake too because he actually seems to be an artist type and very imaginative. I believe it's between those two.

Angelina is so gorgeous it's shocking sometimes. Pitt will never get tired of her my dear and vice versa. There should be a law.

I missed friends Anita and Behzad (you've seen their photos at Mister A's) fell into it it missing the first four episodes, they phoned me freaking out telling me I must watch it...but I was already so it looks like either summer repeats...or get it on dvd. It ssure sounds like it's worth it on dvd. I really regret not being on top of this tv show...but I will catch up, I swear!

15 March, 2007 15:37  
Blogger Odat said...

Great !!!! So true too!!!
What are they trying to do anyway...form their own nation and take it on the road?

15 March, 2007 15:41  
Blogger Radmila said...

Hahahahah...I too ask how long Brad will put up with her adoption addiction....which I believe it's becoming for her. An addiction, or collection of children, if you will.

It bothers me that she had to go abroad to buy them...she can adopt children of all nationalities and races right here in North America.

15 March, 2007 16:51  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...


sometimes i wonder if i'm the only one who remembers how creepy and whoreish she was only a few years ago. i mean, she basically made out with her own brother at the oscars... she wore a vile of blood around her neck... and she was married to freakin' billy bob thornton (yuck!). and now all of a sudden everyone raves about what a lady she is... how elegant... and how globally-conscious she is.

and i agree with radmilla... why does she feel the need to adopt all these children from different nations. what, the orphaned kids in her own country aren't good enough? i know there are kids everywhere who need help, but i feel like it makes it that much more obvious that she's just trying to make headlines when she feels the need to adopt a different kid from every third world country on the map.

15 March, 2007 17:35  
Blogger Tanya said...

In 20 years time, Brad will be 63 and will seduce on of his under-age adopted daughters and leave Angelina to take care of their growing brood by herself alla Woody Allen

16 March, 2007 11:56  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Thanks guys! Ooh, Brad doing a Woody Allen... That's scary!

19 March, 2007 14:45  
Blogger martinobhoy said...

Although if she wants to adopt a wee Scottish lad I am available. I'm sure my parents would understand.

19 March, 2007 21:53  

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