Feck.

Doctor says I have a hernia. That'll be the third of my life. What the fuck is up with that?

And as much as I hate that my body clearly loves doing this shit to me, I hate even more that the end result is surgery. I don't wanna be chopped up and go through all the recuperation stuff again. It's just not fun. I like fun stuff.

So I'm feeling a bit down, but I know I have to just get on with my shit. Still, the news isn't even 24 hours old yet (even if I was fairly convinced of it a few days ago), so I guess I can allow myself a little moping time, right?

Titanic story update

In a somewhat uplifting end to the story of the oldest Titanic survivor having to sell her memorabilia from the ill-fated ship, 96-year-old Millvina Dean actually raised some £30,000 at auction, rather than the £3,000 that had been estimated. You can read the BBC News story here.

Up ship creek

Get your thoughtsicles around this news story. It's a pretty sad state of affairs, the way we treat our old folks.

Madonna and Mr Madonna to split up

I know, I know, he's got a name. He's an esteemed director. Did I say "esteemed"? Sorry, I meant "steaming pile of shite", my bad.

Anyway, here the BBC News website promises us "the marriage's memorable moments". I wonder if it includes my favourite memorable moment: the one where Guy (see, his name is just like guy, dude, bloke) sneakily glances at his watch while Madge is trying to adopt some little African kid.

What's up, guy, things moving a little too slow for you? Got something better to do, another flop to make maybe.

Losers!

My only regret is that they should announce this just as Madge's biggest fan has had a glamorous wedding in Vegas. Big love to Candy and the Stagg Man, and congrats!

Things I’d like to see... #1

This little cunt fed to crocodiles.

I'm sure more "things I'd like to see" will follow.