Friday, May 04, 2007

A problem of faith

For many years, somebody close to me has firmly held on to one belief system while I mocked, jeered, and denied her words.

But it's not only me. Having spoken with other men on the subject, I came to the conclusion that this belief system was an integral part of the male/female divide.

But this morning, following my shower, I had an epiphany, I saw the light, I was hit with a moment of clarity.

Shaving causes hair growth.

That's right, fellas, you heard me. I've moved over to the dark side.

I first noticed the hair on my right upper arm, the arm I just recently had tattooed. I've had two sessions, shaving before each one, as is the norm, even though there was hardly any hair to speak of. This morning I see that the hair now growing through is already longer than the hair on my upper left arm, which, despite having been tattooed several times, has never really had any more than a quick lick with a razor by the tattooist (as opposed to my meticulous efforts) and I had it tattooed before being particularly hairy there, which leads me to a footnote.*

Then I looked at my forearms. The right one has hair on it, sure, but there's not as much of it, and nor is it as dark, as the hair on my left arm, the tattooed one that has been shaved fully several times.

I can't believe it. I'm still trying to convince myself that hair growth is not uniform and these are just quirks of nature. But the evidence speaks loudly, my friends.

Am I in the minority? Do you believe that shaving causes thicker, blacker hair regrowth. I'm so confused, I just don't know what to think anymore. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

* I have also come to the non-scientific conclusion that tattooing before hair growth occurs actually retards hair growth.

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22 Comments:

Blogger Red said...

Thicker, darker, stronger, longer... why do you think mothers all over the world instruct their daughters NOT to shave their legs, but to wax them instead? It might be the easy choice, but the razor is pure evil.

So, looks like I was right all along. I think that makes you my bitch for the long weekend.

04 May, 2007 09:25  
Blogger cappy said...

after my mishap with the shears the other week, my hair grew back at an alarming rate!
there has to be something in it. the wifey reckons that if she shaves her legs more frequently, the hairs come quicker.

this is a case for magnus pike or hienz wolfe!

04 May, 2007 09:26  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I thought men just got hairier and hairier as they got older...

Have you checked your ears recently?

Puss

04 May, 2007 10:48  
Blogger Pendullum said...

I'm with glamourpuss... Ears, nose and eyebrows.... and in some real unfortunate cases... the back... hair shoulders ....

04 May, 2007 12:03  
Blogger martinobhoy said...

Should men all over the world now be shaving their heads then?

04 May, 2007 12:04  
Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

If you can find someone who threads instead of waxes, the hair growth will retard faster. Much faster. May the force of hair removal be with you.

04 May, 2007 12:50  
Blogger Milla said...

I am surprised you even doubted what Red had told you all along...

04 May, 2007 13:25  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Red: Looks like I'z yo bitch then...

Cappy: It's some scary shit, right?

G/puss: I'm also going for the "it's just age" excuse. Don't mention ears...

04 May, 2007 14:02  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Pendullum: Don't mention nose, eyebrows, shoulders. Stop! Make it all stop, please!

Martino: Touché!

Poolio: I'm not necessarily wanted hair removal... And I'm cerainly not going to get threaded. That looks painful!

Milla: I know. And now I have to be her bitch.

04 May, 2007 14:03  
Blogger Odat said...

And so it goes.......you now have it in your experience....you should never doubt the wise words of a woman.....
Peace

04 May, 2007 14:26  
Blogger Milla said...

And rightly so, *A, you should.
You should be her bitch every day of the week... you and Cat :)

04 May, 2007 16:09  
Blogger Red said...

Are you kidding, Milla? Cat has his own personal bitch entourage. He is definitely at the top of the tree in this house. But this weekend, I shall be a happy close second... mwah hahaha.

04 May, 2007 16:24  
Blogger _z. said...

sad but true... Red is definitely right *(asterisk).
when shaved with a razor, hair grows back, faster, darker and thicker... and you can never stop it... ever again... mwahahahaha...

darker and thicker it will grow... it's even going to hide your tattoo... your whole arm, and it is going to keep mutating until you disappear....

04 May, 2007 16:42  
Blogger Sheamus the... said...

wow...yeah. When I was in grade school I wanted a mustache so bad. I used to shave my upper lip daily with my dad. Now, if i dont shave my stache hair comes in thicker, darker, and blacker than all my other face hair. Actually, if i want to let me face haor grow out I have to shave my upper lip twice in order for it to match the rest of my face in length. Crazy huh?

04 May, 2007 17:14  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

yeah! women of the world shout in unison... TOLD YA!!!

:) glad you finally saw the light.

04 May, 2007 17:46  
Blogger Biddie said...

martha is right...we told ya!

04 May, 2007 18:50  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Odat: I know that now... My bad.

Milla: Hahaha. Tres drôle. (I am already, but don't tell anyone.)

Red: Ain't that the truth.

04 May, 2007 19:40  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

_z.: Okay, so it's 1-0 to her right now. But I'll have my day, I tell you... Hopefully sometime before I disappear into a huge ball a hair.

Shea: That is one scary story. You should visit schools telling it to little kids!

Martha: Ah, dagnabbit! You girls!

Biddie: It seems the women all knew. What gives?!

04 May, 2007 19:43  
Anonymous manini said...

Ahahhaha!

My tattoo artist and I joke every time he shaves me that it's going to grow back looking like pubes!

(because his arm hair did grow back in a few places looking like pubic hairs)

Needless to say, I am very paranoid about the phenomenon.

07 May, 2007 23:43  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Manini: That's a scary story! Fortunately I have no pube arm as yet...

08 May, 2007 07:25  
Blogger kelly said...

being one that regularly shaves his head.....i SHOULD be able to grow a wonderful head of hair by now....nope, doesn't work, still receding

10 May, 2007 21:46  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Kelly: That's a damn good point! I'm in the same boat as you, I'm afraid...

11 May, 2007 09:15  

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