Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Post #600, wherein I will undoubtedly navel-gaze a little and blather on about stuff I’m ill equipped to discuss on any meaningful level

It's the first day of spring. Happy spring to you all! (Thanks to Red for the lovely photo.)

And so it came to pass, my 600th post. It's taken a little longer than I had hoped, but you just can't rush these things. Well, you can, obviously. I've rushed many of the previous 599 posts at this blog. In fact, about 591 of them have been rushed. I did take my time over those three posts on cinema, though, and those few building up to my 500th.

Not only have I rushed almost 600 posts here, I've also rushed many of my posts on my other blogs. What a guy! So, there you have it: you can rush these things. Super!

So, 375 days and 600 posts. And not only that, but I've also watched more than 100 movies in that time, 99 of which I have reviewed; they can be found over at my movie-review site Such As They Are.

Anyway, I have a tendency to anticipate these "landmark" posts far too long in advance, and they become like an albatross. This is especially true when I haven't actually prepared anything in advance.

And it's not that I'm talking about having to "entertain my readers" or anything quite so "delusions of grandeur"-ish as that. It's all to do with my borderline OCD, a-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place mentality.

We have lightswitches in our house, you see. Much like you do, I suspect. The room in which I am typing this is upstairs. From my desk, without leaving my seat, I can turn on the lights in the room. But I don't like to do it once I'm up here. Why? Because it means the switch for the same lights at the foot of the stairs looks as though it's in the off position, when in my mind it should look as though it's in the on position.

Likewise, at the top and bottom of our other flight of stairs we have double switches: one for the light at the top and one for the light at the bottom. I like it when both are in sync with one another. I don't like when they are in alternate positions. Do you catch my drift, get what I'm saying, see where I'm coming from?

Yes, I alphabetize my CDs and DVDs, too. Who doesn't?

So, getting back to what I was saying. This symmetry, if you like, this "commemoration" of "event" posts is more to do with me wanting the 500th, 600th, 750th posts to be something that I'll consider worthwhile of my time.


By overthinking them I will often end up with an outpouring of nonsense fit for consumption by neither man nor beast.

Furthermore, I actually don't have much to write about today. Well, that's not strictly true. There are several things that have got my goat over the past 24 hours and upon which I would gladly wax unlyrical, but these subjects are all downers, and I don't want my 600th post to be a downer. Subjects like:

1. British schools can now ban students from wearing full-face veils. (Small print: if the veil is inhibiting learning or a threat to personal safety.) I mean, what the fuck does that mean?! The headline says one thing, but then the option is removed entirely by perfectly impossible clauses.

2. Number of fatal stabbings in the UK higher this year already than in the whole of last year.

3. German animal activist wants to kill polar bear. (Or, as I would call this story: "Knut und kunt".) Have you heard this? What a fucking tosser!

I mean, the world's going down the fucking pan.

So, no, I don't want to post on any of that stuff. I want to be upbeat, at least for today.

But the powers that be are conspiring against me at all sides.

4. Gordon Brown and his fucking Budget. You know it can't be good for anyone and it's going to be full of bullshit. But let's not dwell, shall we?

Instead, I'll get this post rounded off with something almost witty or pithy or amusing, then get back to my work and hopefully manage to pop in and read a good number of the blogs on my blogroll.

But I can't think of anything witty, pithy, or amusing. Bugger!

And to top things off, I was going to post a video clip from YouTube, but the fucking thing's been removed because of copyright infringement. As a creative type, I understand the need for copyright (oh, God, I've done this rant before), but so much stuff just languishes in copyright owners' vaults at TV centres around the globe... Share the fucking love, you cunts!

So, turns out I did navel-gaze a bit in this post, but I did less blathering about things I know nothing about than I had expected. That'll teach me not to put the title in before writing the post in future, won't it?

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Blogger Tanya said...

First off, congrats on numero 600. What a triumph!

Now, re your blathering:

1. Let them wear a veil for dog's sake! Who gives a fuck?

2. That's not good news.

3. And he calls himself an animal activist. Cunt.

4. More of the same bollox we got last year.

And I understand completely about the OCD thing. I have the same thing with my light switches. And coloured pencils. And paints. And sketching pencils. And checking the washing machine. And checking the tumble dryer...And CDs..... and...

21 March, 2007 14:36  
Blogger Pickled Olives said...

Congrats on 600! Here's a coffee cup raised to cheer you on for another 600! Good rant topics.

21 March, 2007 14:58  
Anonymous Pie said...

Haven't had time to read the budget yet, should do really being as it's part of my job but I'm off on holiday tomorrow so can't be bothered.

Good news for people with kids and big businesses as far as I can tell at first glance, just don't drive anywhere, smoke or drink. Oh, and income tax dropping 2% on basic rate is pretty big news.

Another milestone reached, good work man.

And yeah, the lightswitch thing bothers me too. I'll pay someone to invent switches like that with a little motor in them which automatically lines the switches up properly. Worst thing is when the bulb blows and you can't remember if the switch is on and whether the bulb is going to flick on as you try putting a new bulb in...

21 March, 2007 15:18  
Blogger Milla said...

You are quite an accomplishment in yourself aren't you, eh *A? You rant very well, your navel
g(l)azing is of super quality, your use of 'fucking' and 'cunts' is excellent.
I can see why Red loves you so much.

21 March, 2007 16:53  
Blogger Candy Minx said...

Whoohoo! 600 posts in one year? You're an animal! No wonder you want to protect that polar bear...and my god how cute is that baby bear?!

Have a terrific day and well done with the rambling on in your post, I really enjoyed it. surorise there I guess ha ha

21 March, 2007 17:21  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Tanya: Cheers! 1. I don't like those veils, but I can't say they impact on learning or persaonl safety, so what can ya do? 2. Nope. 3. Cunt is right. 4. Yep; life gets cheaper for those with kids and more expensive for those with no kids and a small business. Great, that's me fucked right up the jacksy then.

Olives: And a raised cup to you too, m'dear. Thanks.

Pie: Budgets are bad for the child-free cos we alsways get to pay for the cunts that have eight kids and choose not to work.

21 March, 2007 18:35  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Milla: Yes, I'm really quite the lovable rogue, ain't I? Red's always saying I'm a moaner, e che lamento sempre.

Candy: And I'm an animal-loving animal to boot! Quite right! Let's get ready to ramble, huh?

21 March, 2007 18:37  
Blogger martinobhoy said...

Well done and it seems like only yesterday we were congratulating you on 500.

I'm still trying to make it to 100.

21 March, 2007 18:42  
Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

I plan on celebrating when I have 5 good posts. It could be a while.

21 March, 2007 20:18  
Blogger Odat said...

Congrats on 600!!! Did that quickly didn't you???
And with that nice pic of the flower and the Happy Spring thing at the beginning I was geting ready to sit back and enjoy a nice lil post about sunshine and spring......lmao.....
Peace....and here's to 600 more!

21 March, 2007 23:13  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

wow... congratulations!

that's a lotta posts :)

(and that polar bear story is ridiculous! but he's certainly cute... i liked looking at the pictures. and it seems as though logic will rule in this case, so we can be thankful for that)

22 March, 2007 00:37  
Blogger Biddie said...

600 is amazing. I think that I'm at about 206 now.
You rock.

22 March, 2007 03:08  
Blogger cappy said...

i have read, and re-read that. and i still can't understand it.

"animal rights activist wants polar bear dead"

animal rights, animal dead???

my brain has ceased to function!

22 March, 2007 10:32  
Blogger Karen said...

Congrats on the milestone! Fabulous job. I hope you're around for 600 more.

22 March, 2007 11:39  
Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Yeah heard about that bloke with the polar bear. What a fucking nutjob, hmm guess the human orphans should be next.

Well done on the big 6 oh oh.

22 March, 2007 15:17  
Blogger ldbug said...

Yay 600!

You are full of wit and I was highly entertained;-)

22 March, 2007 15:22  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Martino: Cheers. And you'll be at 100 before you know it, man.

Lux: Oh well, if we're celebrating good posts, that's a whole different ball game!

Odat: Yeah, pretty quickly. Word of warning: it's best never to expect nice posts about springtime from me!

Martha: That polar bear story is just plain ridiculous. I hope that little mite has round-the-clock protection...

22 March, 2007 16:36  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Biddie: I try to rock. Occasionally I manage it. Sometimes I roll instead. You should celebrate 250 when you get there.

Cappy: Yeah, that story does that to people's brains. Twat, ain't he?

Karen: Thanks. I hope I'm around for at least 1,400 more!

APP: Fucking nutjob is right, love.

LDB: What's that old saying: If wit was shit, I'd be constipated.

22 March, 2007 16:39  
Blogger Milla said...

Zorro si lamenta sempre anche lui. Gli uomini sono cosi'.

23 March, 2007 08:55  

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