Big Brother bollocks

Ah, just so few hours after my announcing that Donnie Tourette will offer the best value for money in the Big Brother house, the motherfucker has upped and escaped, saying there is no way he will act as a servant to Jade Goody.

Most UK readers will know only too well how wise his words are. Indeed, who among us could stand to wait on that fucking pig-thick cunt of a celebrity? And I use the word celebrity in the loosest possible sense, since her celeb status can all be traced back to... um... Big Brother.

Yes, it's come to this: Big Brother is now creating its own celebrities in order to put them in the Celebrity Big Brother show. I'm yet to figure out whether this is better or worse than last year's gimmick of pretending a non-celebrity was a celebrity for the sake of the show. Oh, the humanity.

Still, even Jade has more reason to be there than her boyfriend (who's, like, nobody) and her freakish mother, whose claim to the coveted celebrity tag is that she's had an extreme makeover to make her the treat on the eyes that she is today.

So what has the picture of Monica Bellucci got to do with all this? Well, maybe Donnie would have felt differently if he'd had to become Bellucci's servant, even if she seems not to be satisfied with flowers.