Saturday, January 06, 2007

Big Brother bollocks

Ah, just so few hours after my announcing that Donnie Tourette will offer the best value for money in the Big Brother house, the motherfucker has upped and escaped, saying there is no way he will act as a servant to Jade Goody.

Most UK readers will know only too well how wise his words are. Indeed, who among us could stand to wait on that fucking pig-thick cunt of a celebrity? And I use the word celebrity in the loosest possible sense, since her celeb status can all be traced back to... um... Big Brother.

Yes, it's come to this: Big Brother is now creating its own celebrities in order to put them in the Celebrity Big Brother show. I'm yet to figure out whether this is better or worse than last year's gimmick of pretending a non-celebrity was a celebrity for the sake of the show. Oh, the humanity.

Still, even Jade has more reason to be there than her boyfriend (who's, like, nobody) and her freakish mother, whose claim to the coveted celebrity tag is that she's had an extreme makeover to make her the treat on the eyes that she is today.

So what has the picture of Monica Bellucci got to do with all this? Well, maybe Donnie would have felt differently if he'd had to become Bellucci's servant, even if she seems not to be satisfied with flowers.

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11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

American BB is just not as entertaining as yours. If I replaced your actors names with American ones, this post made more sense to me...

06 January, 2007 16:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy stream of consciousness...I haven't read your blog in a couple of days(sorry running around like a madwoman!) and just read about Torchwood and movie reviews and you are so funny these last three posts remind me of your early posts lots of cunt words and rants and I got quite a kick out of them. Yes, I bet the upcoming holiday is making you hyper and busy organizing work home etc...good luck with that...I'll come and check back in here later...are you blogging this weekend?

Big Brother sounds like a lot of fun, I too am relieve somehow that Adam Ant isn't going to be on it...is the British version of BB a bit like the MTV show "sureal life" where it's a house with entertainment "hasbeens"...that sometimes rekicks their carreers?

06 January, 2007 17:34  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well,i think you've just sumed up BB.
I have done a little bit about Donnie Tourettes on my blog.He and his band remind me of 70's rockers,'The Sweet'.Mind you the lead singer of that band drank himself to death!!.Ps, Neet blog by the way.

06 January, 2007 19:23  
Blogger Gentleman-hobbs said...

I support Lincoln City and her ex ryan plays for us anyway we have a song about her

Chim chim, Chim chim,Chim chim,Chim chim cheroo,
Jade goodies been banged by Ryan Amoo,
She's a bit of a beast best kept out of sight,
But Ryan he knows how to roast her just right.

06 January, 2007 20:24  
Blogger Cindylover1969 said...

What Monica Bellucci has to do with this is simple - do a search for J*** G**** (I find her so repulsive that I don't even want to type her name). Then do a search for Monica Bellucci. Then ask yourself which one you'd rather put on your blog.

In fact, searching for Monica is what brought me here in the first place. :)

06 January, 2007 21:26  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Olives: We also have a normal, non-celeb version, naturally. But once a year we also get a celeb show. As the celebs have gotten more and more Z-list, the show has got better and better! Last year we had Dennis Rodman and some woman from Baywatch called Tracy. Classic!

Candy: Ah, we aim to please. It's a bit of a rantathon before I skedaddle for a few days. Our Celeb BB is a bit of a career kickstart for some, but then normal BB has been the same way for years: it makes celebs of these people over here. Crazy shit.

Shaun: Yeah, but I forgot to say the show ain't ginna be worth watching now that Donnie's gone (maybe I'll go back and add that in). Shame. Thanks for stopping by.

G-Hobbs: Can you think of anything worse than banging Jade? Fucking hell. Well, yeah, banging her mother, I suppose. Well, she's armless enough, though.

Cindylover: That was the thinking that went thru my mind. I wanted to put up a pic, and Donnie and Jade just weren't gonna cut it. So back to my old fallback, Monica. Job's a good un. Thanks for stopping by.

07 January, 2007 10:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's your blog so do what you want. If that means even more pictures of Monica or any other Italian actresses then so be it. :o)

07 January, 2007 11:42  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never watched big brother, although I will admit to getting some sort of sick pleasure from watching the hasbeens on Surreal life. As for Monica Bellucci, I love her ... where can I sign up to be her servant?

07 January, 2007 13:33  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Martino: You're not wrong, old chap.

Karen: There is definitely a lot of fun to be gained from watching has-beens getting subjected to embarrassing situations! As for the Monica servant thing: I think there'll be a loooooooong line for that job!

07 January, 2007 13:53  
Blogger wrinkled weasel said...

nnnNicCe p3icture fo Monica bellucciiubpb - (sorry, typing this wity one shaky hand.)

07 January, 2007 23:56  
Blogger The Anti Crapitalist said...

Jade Goody deserves to die slowly in a vat of her own shit, whilst being fed torn pages from "Take A Break" and bludgeoned about the head with a block of frozen lard.

I feel embarrassed about my country that such a lovely indian girl will leave with the impression that Britain could be home to such a sub-class of ignorant fuckwitts.

Shiteratti. That is the only word you can apply to such wealthy putrid chavs.

08 January, 2007 20:03  

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