Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Them Frenchies and their crazy movies!

I've just had a quick skim back through my last few days' worth of posts... What a depressing lot, isn't it?! It's rare that I get political, but some things just seem so wrong; and then there's also the family stuff...

Anyone reading just these last few days without ever having seen anything else must really think I'm a fucking depressing cunt on a particularly bad downer, but really that's not true at all! And now I'm going to (try to) put some of this stuff behind me.

Anyways, it's been a while since Wife and I watched a film, so Thursday night, with my dad's visit looming mere hours away, we decided to check out one of those sitting on our side awaiting our beady eyes. The choices before us were Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Secret Things. Wife really is not very interested in the former, which surprises me cos I think it sounds cool, so we opted for the latter. And that was fine with me cos it's got naked ladies in it. If nothing else, the French are good at finding any opportunity to put naked ladies in films!

Choses Secrètes is a film of two halves, shall we say. And, purely by coincidence, we watched it in two halves, having a five-minute break after the first hour to set the video recording for Big Brother. Oh, perhaps I shouldn't have admitted to that. Oops.

The first half sets up the relationship between a young girl who has been working the bar at a strip club and one of the dancers from the same club. Within minutes of the film's start, these two girls have become friends when both are sacked from their jobs. The dancer teaches the barmaid about sexuality and how to get what she wants out of men. And let's face it, men are idiots where sexy women are concerned.

secretthings3All goes swimmingly for the first hour, more or less, of the running time, but then enter Evil Male Protagonist. Here is a chap who is going to turn our heroines' theory on its head. This is a bloke who has had girls set themselves on fire in front of him when he has used them up and worn them out and has no further need of their charms. Our girls know he is going to be a tough nut to crack, but it seems they'll have a go. But wait, what's this? A betrayal from within the ranks? Aahhhh, girls, girls, girls... When will you learn? Your inability to get on with your fellow female, especially where men are concerned, is always your downfall.

It is bizarre how the tone of the movie changes. It's not entirely unexpected: it's almost as though there is no choice but for it to go the way it does. But even so, it does go mad. Okay, step back a mo, we're not talking Salò weirdness here; more Eyes Wide Shut with that bad guy from The Crow and maybe with a twist of Bound, but still...

I think I quite liked it. It always takes me a while to get a feel for a film. I can't even discuss most films properly until I've slept on it. Sometimes it takes a couple of days for it to really sink in. Of course, the bad films have already been forgotten by then, making it difficult to write any sort of reviewy thing. This wasn't a bad film, though. It wasn't great, either, but it is another one of those "you could do a lot worse in two hours" kind of flicks.

Shall I introduce some kind of rating system for my reviews? Let's give it a go. I give this film 62 out of 100.

12 Comments:

Blogger Suze said...

A very interesting concept, the review was balanced. I'm not sure if I am tempted to watch it though. What may swing it for me is the sexual content. Is there a reasonable amount of hot action? ;)

18 July, 2006 11:28  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

I would say there's a reasonable amount of not-bad action... At the end of the day it's not porn, but it certainly has an erotic charm to it. The acting, rather than the visuals or the storyline, is what ultimately led to its low rating.

18 July, 2006 11:34  
Blogger the cappuccino kid said...

ooh the lady love! always a good reason to watch a film.
heres a tip, if you aint seen it already.
for two hours of fun and sing'a'long songs, try the dvd of the "madness" musical; our house.
i would give it 983,954 out of 1,000,000

18 July, 2006 12:01  
Blogger the cappuccino kid said...

forgot to add. it won't challenge for any academy awards, but it is a laugh!

18 July, 2006 12:02  
Blogger the cappuccino kid said...

try this, it might chher you up.

http://www.jibjab.com/JokeBox/JokeBox_JJOrig.aspx?movieid=123

enjoy.

18 July, 2006 12:12  
Blogger Meander said...

hey there...just stopping by to say hello! now this is one film i have not seen yet. i dare say i would have to watch it in the wee hours when the kids have gone to sleep. do you have a top ten list of favorite movies? i should like to see that!

18 July, 2006 15:44  
Blogger a.c.t said...

You've seen salo? What did you think? I thought it was the most pointless piece of trash I have ever seen and it made me feel physically sick. An interesting film though, definitely worth seeing for shock value.
I love French films so much, it's quite rare you get a duff one these days.

18 July, 2006 17:08  
Blogger Will said...

Sixty-two! Such precision!

18 July, 2006 17:59  
Blogger Jezebelle said...

The french do make some freaky ass movies. We recently put one in the DVD player knowing nothing about it but the title, which gave us the impression it was a horror/monster movie. But it was porn. Which I usually do not mind. But this shit was freaky. They even showed horses going at it cuming and everything! It was sick!

18 July, 2006 19:03  
Blogger Adam said...

Hey, let me say that poem "Mum" is beautiful man.

Also, I'm eager to see descent, but it seems that most british films don't go over to well here (as far as this kind of film is concerned, being as films like Dog Soldiers are seen as B-Movie crap here) but I will keep your opinion in mind

Also, like the ratings system ha - actually that seems so much more accurate than an 5-star deal ha

18 July, 2006 22:56  
Blogger Candy Minx said...

I shall look for this, I better try in Canada first though!

Hey you are comment number 10!

19 July, 2006 00:39  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Suze: I'd be really interested in what you think if you decide to rent it, from a Blue Review type of perspective.

Cappy: Not sure about the Madness movie... Might give it a miss!

Meander: Check out my fave films on my profile page. That's pretty current and representative, I'd say.

ACT: Yes, seen Salo'. My mini film review says "worth seeing, but no fun". Says it all, really! Duff French films... Try Vendredi Soir. What a sack of shite. In fact, don't try it.

Will: Welcome. I really wanted to give this film 69, but I thought that would be a cheap gag...

Jez: Where the fuck are you renting your movies from?!

Adam: The Descent is (possibly) worth seeing. I think the thing is that I wasn't expecting a monster movie... I thought is was going to be people stucki in a hole, which I would have preferred even tho' I like a good monster movie. The actors were weak in The Descent; that was the main prob.

Candy: It's worth checking out. Lemme know what you think.

19 July, 2006 10:19  

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