Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hernia update

Last night, in advance of my hernia consultation today, I was thinking, "I hope it's only one and not a double." The woman on the phone last week had told me that some patients come in thinking they have a hernia and go away realizing they have two. "He's very good at detecting them," she says.

I share this fear with Red. "Pah, you'll probably go thinking you have one and be told you have none."

Wishful thinking...

So, at 6:30 this morning, the alarm goes off. It's an early start. I have to be at the British Hernia Centre for 11am.

By 8 the missus and I have breakfasted, and we are out the door by 8:30am for the 8:49 train to London. It's due in at Victoria at 10:05, giving us just shy of an hour to get to Hendon. It's gonna be tight-ish but doable.

Doable if all runs smoothly, that is. Which it never does when you're dealing with London trains and transport. The train pulled in at Victoria at 10:17. Bad start. By the time we took the Tube, had to get off because of delays, took another, and ended up at our destination, we were about 15 minutes late. I had the courtesy to call ahead and warn them, but I hate being late nonetheless.

For my consultation I had prepared a list of questions.

Can I really leave the same day as the surgery?
What about taking the train the same day? And therefore getting to the station etc? Or is it best not to move much?
How long does the operation take? And if they use local anaesthetic, can my wife be present to help take my mind off things?
How soon can it be done?

Theses questions seem so lame, but I tried to write down any thought that occurred to me. And besides, I'm such a big girl!

First things first, though: drop trou. The surgeon has a feel. He asks me to cough. Ditto. Ditto. Ditto.

"So, where is this lump you see?" he asks. I show him. We discuss the visit to my family doctor and the fact that Red doesn't even see the offending lump, even though my doctor had agreed it was a hernia.

"I side with your wife," he eventually says. "I don't believe that's a hernia."

Now this dude is (or was) in The Guinness Book of Records for the most hernia surgeries in a five-day week, so I figure if anyone knows a hernia, it's him.

He was reluctant to put a name to it, and that's fair enough given that he specializes in hernias, which this apparently ain't. But he said to leave it alone, to "forget the word hernia". And if it gives me any trouble later on (it doesn't really right now), then we can talk again.

I'm confused.

And Red insists I call her Master, cos she was right all along.

I do so, though I'm no less confused. But I am happy.

Then we headed into Soho for burgers, and who should walk past our window seat three times talking on his phone, but Andy Serkis of Gollum fame. Bless him.

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Blogger Captain Karen said...

I'm happy for you too! Whew!

13 November, 2008 17:15  
Blogger furiousBall said...

happy is tough to come by, ergo - that is good.

glad to hear that surgery isn't in the future, hernia surgery (from what i hear) isn't fun to recover from.

13 November, 2008 17:53  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Karen: I know, whew!

F/ball: When happy comes, it's a good day. I've had hernia surgery before, and it's not fun. But I'm sure it's a walk in the park compared to many operations, so I should count my blessings!

13 November, 2008 18:29  
Anonymous cappy said...

good for you.

do you think it's possible that red may be a witch?
or wiccan?


13 November, 2008 23:11  
Blogger punxxi said...

congrats on your nothing!

14 November, 2008 06:13  
Blogger Milla said...

Great news! Very very happy for you guys!
Red was right as usual regarding you :)

14 November, 2008 10:47  
Blogger Cynnie said...

well, what is it ?

14 November, 2008 11:11  
Blogger Sheamus the... said...

well congrats on it not being the dreaded hernia.

But i feel ya on the confusion bit. I was having some angst down below (hey we are all family here) and went in thinking amputations were in order and it turned out I ONLY had kidney stones. What the toosk?

I left relieved but at the same time... ? ... confidence is low but hell... the relief is like a warm scarf or hot butter.

So... when I come to London we will have nice piping bowl of Chili Prawn Linguini and talk of troubles from below. Laugh it off over a game of Guitar Hero. I call bass and I want Red on the Vokes.


14 November, 2008 15:51  
Blogger Say It said...

so, can Red tell you what it is? She's good.

Did the hernia doc give any idea of where you should go, or if it is to be a concern at all?

15 November, 2008 14:46  
Blogger Candy Minx said...


Is there anything you can do to not have this fright some kind of exercise? No exercise?

p.s. I don't think anyone with tats is a fascist...or a neo-nazi. I do imagine and have experienced that the only people who think or care about tattoos and their impressions is the people who don't have them. It sounds kind of old D. Trump.

16 November, 2008 05:09  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

wow! i'm so glad all is well... down below (as shea likes to refer to it)

and i just have to say... i LOVE andy serkis. i'm jealous.

17 November, 2008 17:39  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

17 November, 2008 17:39  
Blogger tweetey30 said...

That was a good scare Asterisk.. I had a friend who had a hernia and he had to have surgery and then his wife kicked him right after surgery... So thank goodness you didnt have to have surgery. Not saying Red would kick you out.. LOL..That wasnt suppose to be part of that. I was just giving you an example of someone I know..

18 November, 2008 21:15  
Blogger Gardenia said...

I do not like undefined lumps in the body - I wish you had my far infared tool - it is supposed to dissolve lumps....

24 November, 2008 22:08  
Blogger The Manic Street Preacher said...

Maybe you're growing an extra ball?

Had a belly button hernia done years back. Went from 'outy' to 'inny'. I miss my belly button.

Sadly my tool is not infared so is of no use to you what so ever....

26 November, 2008 14:57  

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