Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Cat. Arm. Shagging.

I get quite a few hits to this blog from people typing "cat humping arm" and similar search terms into Google. This is because of this post written more than two years ago.

In the time that has passed since, Cat has completely given up on shagging my arm. I think it's because -- SLIGHTLY DISTURBING MENTAL IMAGE ALERT! -- one night, as he, ahem, finished, he caught his, ahem, cathood(?) in my bracelet. Since that night he has shunned my forearms in favour of Red's. She's getting it every which way most evenings. In fact, if she doesn't get a visit in the dark as we're readying ourselves for the Land of Nod, we suspect the wee lad is feeling under the weather.

But today a new low (or high) has been hit.

Checking our respective mail, Facebook, MySpace, forums, etc before breakfast (my God, we've become Intraweb slaves!) we were joined by Cat in the office space.

"Mau," he said.
"Hey, kitty," I replied.
"'Sup dude?"
"Yeah, just a minute and we'll come and have breakfast with you."
"Mau. ... Mau. ... Mau. ... Mau. ... Mau. ..."

Red decided to go see what he wanted. Five minutes later she returned.

"He just wanted sex," she said. "He's quiet now." And so he was. I'm wondering now whether it was "Ma" that he was saying. And also whether I can learn a thing or two from him when it comes to getting my wicked way.

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Blogger Ben said...

And people always think I'm weird for never having had or wanting pets...

18 June, 2008 10:09  
Blogger Milla said...

AHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!! this most made me laugh out loud in the office!

18 June, 2008 10:14  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Ben: Are you sure that's the reason they think you're weird?

Milla: Red was laughing here, which was nice. Hope you didn't spit out your coffee or anything!

18 June, 2008 10:31  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Er, I think that might be illegal...


18 June, 2008 10:40  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

G/puss: Surely not if there's love in the relationship? And so long as we're the recipients? No?

18 June, 2008 10:46  
Blogger Captain Karen said...

I have no idea what to say. This is just a tad bit...creepy. Is Cat "fixed"? From the sounds of it, I'm guessing not. One word...ew. I'm never going to complain about my cats awakening me at 3am with a head-butt. It could be worse. Much worse. And messy.

18 June, 2008 11:53  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Capt (and all others):
I should add that when he "finishes" there is no messiness. He's been fixed (read "broken"), like 11 years ago, so he can't produce anything other than affection with regards to his sexing.

Sorry, Karen, we seem to be creeping you out a lot at the moment!

18 June, 2008 11:58  
Blogger Camie Vog said...

I've seen dogs do this, but never a cat.

18 June, 2008 15:32  
Blogger Wandering Coyote said...

I'm surprised he still has "the urge" even though he's been fixed.

18 June, 2008 16:10  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Camie: The vets tell us it's quite commonplace. As does the proliferation of such videos on YouTube!

Coyote: Yep, he's just a lovin' kitty.

18 June, 2008 16:15  
Blogger furiousBall said...

did he respect you afterwards?

18 June, 2008 16:15  
Blogger Red said...

Furiousball: He doesn't even spoon or hold me, let alone respect me.

18 June, 2008 16:32  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

F/ball: He respects no one.

Red: You're still talking about the cat, right?

18 June, 2008 16:38  
Blogger Red said...


(Pulls dead-serious face)

18 June, 2008 16:49  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

hahahahah! wow.
as many cats as i've had in my life... none of them have ever... erm... had me.

18 June, 2008 17:16  
Blogger tweetey30 said...

Sorry Asterisk but I couldnt help laugh at this post.. Yikes never seen a cat do this but there is always a first. Cats are so cute but sometimes they get it in there heads we are furniure... LOL.. Like clawing when jumping and pounciung...

18 June, 2008 17:29  
Blogger Tanya said...

If that were me, I'd be a little concerned. Poor cat... maybe he needs a lady friend?

18 June, 2008 18:59  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Red: Hahahahaha. [serious face] Hahahahaha. [serious face] Hahahahaha. [serious face]

Martha: Is that cos you haven't met the right one yet?

Tweet: Yeah, we are the furniture that feeds them!

Tanya: We've considered that in the past, but he hates all other cats, pretty much, so...

19 June, 2008 10:02  
Blogger Tanya said...


19 June, 2008 13:07  
Blogger Milla said...

Cat hates all other cats? Really?

Pisko only hates one, a bully called Rocky (un nome una garanzia). Otherwise he loves Muffy and the rest of 'em, they spend hours looking at each other quietly, in the sun.
Perhaps that's why he has never shagged our arms...

19 June, 2008 13:20  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

T: Yeah...

Milla: Some people say he hangs out with one of the neighbour's cats, but I am not so sure. It's not his natural way.

19 June, 2008 15:05  
Blogger Say It said...

dying laughing and utterly disturbed at the same time!!! Poor Red, she should wear more bracelets!

20 June, 2008 02:32  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Say It: Glad to raise a chuckle! I don't think she wants to cause the cat any more psychological problems.

20 June, 2008 13:52  
Blogger lightupvirginmary said...


21 June, 2008 19:09  
Blogger Gardenia said...

And I thought my cat was demanding! Get him little fuzzies removed and you'll get more sleep. :)

I have a problem with Psycho (thus his name) sneaking up and trying to nurse on my soft under arms. I'm constantly explaining to my doctors why I have these tiny little hickies all over my arms.

24 June, 2008 16:04  

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