Monday, May 21, 2007

Chick, chick, chick, chick, chicken...

For Sunday lunch yesterday, because we had nothing in the house and we didn't have time to go shopping, what with little bits of DIY and great loads of work needing to be done, the wife and I headed to the new eatery in our vicinity.

A few weeks ago it opened its doors. And the queues on that first Friday evening were quite a sight to behold. Unfortunately we didn't have a camera with us at the time because it was most definitely "bloggable".

Anyway, that's the past remote. Let's talk about the past recent.

The eatery? KFC, as you might have guessed from the pic of the Colonel. We're not really big fast-food types, but now and again it must be done. People say not very nice things about fast-food-joint staff -- y'know, stuff about how dumb they are, how no qualifications are needed to do their job, a trained monkey could do it, etc.

But I gotta tell you this: while you may or may not need a brain to work in these places, you damn well better have one if you intend to order there. All I wanted was a bite to eat, but first I had to figure out what. I opted for one of the "meals", but then I had to choose between the standard Zinger meal or the Wicked Zinger meal.

"I'll have the Wicked one."

"Which side order would you like?"

"What are the choices?"

"Baked beans, coleslaw, or corn on the cob."

"I'll have the coleslaw, please."

"And what extra chicken portion would you like? Wings or an extra piece of chicken?" [Like "extra piece" is some technical term for a chicken bodily part.]

"The extra piece please."

"And what drink?"

AAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And then KABOOOOOOM! My head exploded. It was quite the mess all over the restaurant floor. And they're burying me today. Still, it was worth it. No, sorry, the other thing: not worth it. Definitely not worth it.

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22 Comments:

Blogger Red said...

I schiff that place. I don't think I'll eat another dodgy-looking burger for a loooooooong time.

21 May, 2007 15:30  
Blogger Pie said...

Half of their food doesn't even seem to appear on the menu, Christ knows how their business has managed to survive. It's like you have to be in some secret club to expeience the full KFC repertoire.

Still, it tastes marginally better than McDonalds.

So did you ever manage to get something to eat after they mopped your brains from the floor?

21 May, 2007 15:52  
Blogger furiousBall said...

KFC should sell buckets of chicken IMHO and you just get whatever they feel like giving you at the time.

BTW, I've got 100 pages to finish in Blackwater, then I'll start reading Rant - woo!

21 May, 2007 16:02  
Blogger Camie Vog said...

You must have been craving some trans fats... Oh, wait, they stopped using trans fats (at least in the States). Sorry, A* there is no excuse for poor eating...

21 May, 2007 16:33  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

wow. KFC... in england... i had no idea. and yuck! i love fried chicken... but i love REAL fried chicken. you guys need to come visit me sometime, and i'll take you to this little joint -- Bubba's -- it's the best fried chicken in the world. seriously.

(hi, by the way... it's been a while)

21 May, 2007 16:53  
Blogger ldbug said...

I think it's harder to order takeout..personally

21 May, 2007 17:05  
Blogger lightupvirginmary said...

I love KFC! I'm addicted to crispy strips. I'd eat KFC every day if i could.
(don't tell Morrissey)

21 May, 2007 19:26  
Blogger Adam said...

Ah, KFC - I tend to avoid it as well. The only fast food I eat is Taco Bell - a guilty pleasure I can't stop from giving in to.

21 May, 2007 20:06  
Blogger The Anti Crapitalist said...

I lost it in McDonalds years ago with all this bullshit American ordering rubbish. I ordered fries and a burger, and the spotty Herbert kept on saying "Do you want that to be a meal?" I was bemused. After several attempts I said "Of course I want a fucking meal, I wouldn't fucking be here if i didn't want a fucking meal" only to realise that a meal is a euphemism for selling you a bucket of piss masquarading as a coke with your burger and fries.

Why not ask me if I want a fucking coke with my meal! Christ life is just so confusing.

(PS: Captain Sanders. Looks like a kiddy fiddler to me).

21 May, 2007 22:10  
Blogger Odat said...

lol...I so hate that too...I usually don't go there anymore...
Peace (so sorry bout your head!)

22 May, 2007 03:42  
Blogger cappy said...

and why does it always show really tempting and healthy pieces of chicken, but when you get them out of the box, they look like they have fucking lepresy?
and has anyone actually ever recieved theirs in a tub? not round here!

22 May, 2007 09:27  
Blogger Glamourpuss said...

The paradox about fast food is that it is neither fast nor food. I always regret the decision to partake.

Puss

22 May, 2007 11:16  
Blogger Sheamus the... said...

yeah i try not to be a big fast fooder either but sometimes...it must be done. Usually the first week after payday I am eating good homecooked or healthy food. The week before payday I am eating dollar burgers and Phat Burritos.

22 May, 2007 13:12  
Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

Complicated for sure. I prefer never to eat at a KFC, my kids won't even go to one. I guess its like the food your dog wont eat, it makes you question whether you should eat it too. Glad to see you picked up all your brain bits and made it home.

22 May, 2007 13:49  
Blogger Suze said...

I bet you are glad they stopped asking if you want to "Max that!". Lol

I'm not a fast foodie either but of all the outlets I think KFC is best.

22 May, 2007 20:22  
Blogger _z. said...

haha... I can't stand junk food anymore... I used to be a big fan!

do you know what KFC is called in Montreal?

PFK: Poulets Frits Kentucky.

aghhhh
why?

23 May, 2007 05:47  
Blogger Candy Minx said...

I am not sure I can recover from the shock.

The shock that Red actually sounds like she ordered a burger from KFC.

I didn't even know they make burgers...is that for England?

When I was a kid a big deal was the once a year when my parents went crazy and got us KFC. The smell still reminds me of being a little kid and having it...but actually...there is a company that is a competitor to KFC. Popeyes. At one point there was only one outlet in Toronto...and if I was near by I might pop in and get some because they had bisquits and gravy and much better tasting fried chicken than KFC.

I almost can ount the times I've eaten at McDonalds...and usually it was because there was no where else to find food...like a road trip. It is not fast nor cheap and I do not like it. I'd rather get a taco or a falafel for fast food.

I'd rather cook. And that is saying something.

Love this post and your line about it takes brains to order food at fast food joints. I once had a boyfriend and we had to eat at McDonalds once and I had no idea how to order...I asked for the burger with the special sauce...anyways we pretty much broke up after that because it took me so long to order the stupid food he was embarrassed.

I think measuring potential boyfriends by what kind of shit they eat is a good gauge for maintaining sanity. It is a credit to your soul * that you couldn't order food there....well done!

23 May, 2007 13:18  
Blogger ginkers said...

I'd rather chew my own arm than eat a KFC. Can I recommend that option next time?

23 May, 2007 16:50  
Blogger Tanya said...

seems like 100 years since I had KFC. I don't miss it, I have to say. Nandos... now that's chicken.

23 May, 2007 22:44  
Blogger mister anchovy said...

It seems as if many many years ago, the chicken was a lot better than it is now, but maybe it was really the same crap but when I was a kid, I could digest it.

24 May, 2007 02:24  
Anonymous Cocopop said...

Wot? You can get baked beans with your KFC over there? (or am I missing your humour here?)

WTF is that about?

30 May, 2007 07:28  
Blogger Milla said...

Ma che schifoooooooo!! Your brains on the floor! Bleargh.
I'll have a double chicken burger with triple fries and super giant chicken milkshake with extra nuggets on top, thanks. Ah, and a coffee, no sugar please, I'm on a diet.

02 June, 2007 14:56  

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