Let’s play Happy Families
So, there's this bloke and this woman. They are in their late 50s and they were together for nearly 40 years. They got divorced last year, after a long, difficult two-year break-up game, and each of them now lives with a new partner.
It is hotly rumoured that the woman is getting married within a month or so, but nothing is confirmed.
The man has just told me that he's leaving his partner (and her two young kids) and that maybe he was better off as he was three years ago.
No kidding, right? I mean, every single person who knows him pretty much told him that at the time, but did he listen?
This looks like it could get messy. Did I say anything to either one of them that could have led to this? Did I offer bad advice? I don't think so, but you never know. I know also that people will take what they want to hear from any advice offered and disregard the rest. And so they should. But they don't always take the bits you think they should. Sometimes they disregard the wise bits. I guess we all do.
It is hotly rumoured that the woman is getting married within a month or so, but nothing is confirmed.
The man has just told me that he's leaving his partner (and her two young kids) and that maybe he was better off as he was three years ago.
No kidding, right? I mean, every single person who knows him pretty much told him that at the time, but did he listen?
This looks like it could get messy. Did I say anything to either one of them that could have led to this? Did I offer bad advice? I don't think so, but you never know. I know also that people will take what they want to hear from any advice offered and disregard the rest. And so they should. But they don't always take the bits you think they should. Sometimes they disregard the wise bits. I guess we all do.
Labels: family
permalink posted by * (asterisk) at 6:01 PM
14 Comments:
You mustn't even entertain the idea that anything you might have said affected any of this. People will do what they want to do, even if you tell them it's going to lead to a world of pain. As for you (and me, I guess), we can only fasten our seatbelts, prepare for a bumpy ride and be there to pick up the pieces.
don't beat yourself up about this, whatever you said to either party has no bearing on eithers decision. what they do with their lives, they do. no matter what input you have. as long as you love both and support both in equal measures, then you are doing all that can be expected.
god, look at me! quick get back to something nonesensicle!
Well, I've heard that story before and it didn't work out too well that time around. I don't know if people just forget the good bits and focus on the faults in a relationship but we seem all too willing to jack it in for the promise of something better.
But ultimately, what happens or goes on between two people is entirely the responsibility of those two people and no one else every really knows the truth of that.
Be kind to yourself.
Puss
I agree with Red.
But tell me *A, why is it that when something goes wrong in our families, I mean, generally, we always tend to blame ourselves?
Why is that?
No matter how sound the advice is, people tend to ignore it. It's different if you're the one looking in. If you are in a situation, you don't get to see things quite so objectively. Been on both sides of that particular coin, so I know. Nowadays I really evaluate advice and give it some due thought before making decisions.
Red: Yeah. Bumpy bumpy.
Cappy: I know that, really, but you still can't help thinking, "What did I say?" Pointless, though.
G/puss: The "promise of something better", though, often ends up being broken, doesn't it? It is their responsibility, and I shall just leave them to it, I think.
Milla: Could be because we think everything revolves around us. It's some kind of egotistical thing, maybe.
Tanya: Probably right that anything I said was ignored. And while that's frustrating in some ways, it's also good to know when things goe tits up.
The problem is that people continue to think that happiness has something to do with relationships, work or money. It's inside of each person, but until a person realizes that...they will always make poor choices.
What can you do, how sad that someone is older and ignorant of the nature of happiness...shouldn't parents teach their kids where happiness lies?
Hopefully it is never too late to learn where happiness is...?
Maybe it's egotistical in a sort of 'caring for our kin' way?
Kinship, the bane and love of my life.
Hubbys parents are seperating after more than 50 years together. He is feeling much the same way that you seem to be feeling.
There is nothing that you or Hubby could have said to change anything. You can't make people folloe your advice, all you can do is offer it up.
(believe me, I know, cuz I always ignore the GOOD advice).
I like candy minx's comment a lot... no it is never too late to learn, because I just learned something from you candy.
ah the blame game... I understand that you feel guilty, but don't be hasty in screaming mea culpa. You may have offered advice, we live in a community, people talk to one another, and if you gave them advice, that means that they trust you enough to ask your opinion... Now you may or may not give them the right option, but in the end they will do what they want, and what they think is best. they will decide what measures to take... it is their life.
you had nothing to do with that mate... you're just a good "friend".
Down to them mate. Whatever you said it's down to them.
So it goes?
i'm so sorry to read this. divorce is an ugly thing, and i'm sorry you feel like you're in the middle of this.
i'm sure whatever you said was in good faith... and you can't blame yourself. they're adults... and i've learned adults make decisions many times regardless of advice.
Candy: We become the parents, I guess, and then want them to take our advice. But only so long as it all works out.
Milla: Gotta love that kinship.
Biddie: It's crazy, isn't it? I don't understand how people have the energy even to go through all that shit after 50 years together! Just chill out, guys, y'know?!
_z.: Candy is wise and can teach us all something. One does one's best, but it's never going to be enough, I think.
4D: Yep, all their own decisions.
Martha: Piggy in the middle. Yep, advice so often goes unheard...
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