Roll up, roll up! Get your fortune told here! No purchase necessary!
Ever wish you could get your fortune-cookie fortune without having to ingest all that dodgy monosodium glutamate that's part and parcel of most Chinese-takeaway food? Well, now you can!
Red and I have tidied up the kitchen a bit, and what did we find but 27 unopened fortune cookies (there's some of them above, look). Rather than just throw them all out, we thought we'd share with our blog buddies.
Now, listen up, I ain't gonna eat 'em. Me or the missus will open them up one by one at random, pulled from a carrier bag in the order you apply for one. Just leave a comment, and we'll open one on your behalf. What could be easier? Fortunes told, lucky numbers issued, no hassle. Don't say I never give you nuffink. And I got through a whole post without using the word cunt. How's that, then?
permalink posted by * (asterisk) at 9:31 AM
79 Comments:
Well done on not using the word cunt.
I've not used it either today.
EXCELLENT!!!! I await my fortune with great anticpation.
Wonder if it will direct me to the ultimate, the best, the most amazing lesbian movie ever made!
Urm... probably not.
Mr RD: Your fortune is... "Nothing is impossible to a willing heart. Lucky numbers 3, 14, 18, 33, 34, 37"
Tanya: Not sure it says much about sapphic screen pleasures, but here goes. "You should be able to make money and hold on to it. Lucky numbers 8, 9, 11, 12, 26, 43"
Ooh, ooh, me please. Last one I got said "That wasn't really chicken."
Pie: You got one of the two gold ones! It reads, "Good things are being said about you". No lucky numbers on this one, though. Different brand, I suppose.
Ooh, good things. Mmmm, Pie, tasty.
Thanks Asterisk.
If it's ok with you I will use the word 'cunt' as much as possible today, I have an excuse now.
do me, do me!!
Cappy: Mmmm, some of these are still crunchy and yummy! Yours reads, "Your dearest wish will come true. Lucky numbers 8, 23, 32, 39, 40, 46." Best get down the Lottery shop, old boy!
Oooh Can you do me too *Asterisk?(Hopefully Red won't mind...).
Fingers crossed - something good. Big bucks, big bucks, no whammies!
Thanks, *. I'll play those numbers on the lotto this weekend and let you know if I win anything.
Perhaps the fortune cookie is telling me that I should play lotto, win it and invest that money into making a decent lesbian movie.
YEAH!
Karen: Here goes. "Be calm when confronting an emergency crisis. Lucky numbers 6, 11, 32, 37, 38, 39." Perhaps not big bucks, but no big whammies, either.
Tanya: Yeah, that's one way of looking at it. Good luck on the Lotto!
Emergency Crisis? THat doesn't sound promising... However, I will play my lucky numbers this weekend ($22 Million CDN!) and if I win I'll split it with you! There you go, it's in writing.
All right.
No, wait a sec.
...
OK - Now.
Karen: That sounds like a good deal, thanks!
Cliff: Okay, yours says, in beautiful prose, "The opportunity to show your ability to work in a team is here." No lucky numbers, I'm afraid, but it was in gold foil, if that's worth anything...
I wanna play!
(I wanna say 'cunt' too!)
Shep: You'll like this. "Love is the only medicine for a broken heart. Lucky numbers 6, 8, 11, 14, 16, 43." And you can say cunt all day long if you so desire!
If there's any leftI'm ready...what an incredible idea!
Um, emergengy crisis for Karen...Shep and his love heals a broken heart...I thought about playing matchmaker yesterday. Karen loves books, Shep works in a bookstore...
How tall are you Karen?
Okay, how tall are you Shep?
Someone should fall in love on one of these blogs!
Candy: There's loads left, pet! Yours says, "Many possibilities are open to you -- work a little harder. Lucky numbers 1, 21, 33, 39, 44, 45." Oh, I feel bad. I think you already work pretty damn hard!
You're right, someone should fall in love on one of these blogs. Awwww.
I'm just relieved that my lucky numbers aren't the same as the numbers on LOST. I would have hidden under my bed. Oh I love my fortune, I DO need to work just a little harder...I can tell, I need to tweak my habits.
This was a brilliant idea btw. Really fun!
Makes me want to do my "advice" booth again. Maybe ina couple days I'll post the doctor is in again./...
Candy, I must say the idea was partly inspired by your booth thing a while back. I found all the cookies and thought, "Why not?"
Hey cool!!!! This is one of the best idea and post I've read it was excellent!
LOVE this idea!
am i too late to get in on the gravy train of yummy fortunes (and i agree the cookies aren't so yummy... i hardly ever eat it... just soak in the fortune)
i hate that i live in America and by the time i wake up... everyone else has already gotten to read and leave their two cents
hope i'm not too late!
Uh oh, when did *Asterisk's blog turn into "The Dating Game"? Wait! Maybe this is my emergency crisis...calmly now. Okay Karen, breathe in, and out, in, out, in, out, in, out, ... tee hee. This could get dirty! (ps: I'm 5'5")
Martha: Not too late, pet, because we still have more than half of them left! To be honest, I like fortune cookies, but I think some of these may be a bit soft! I have eaten two today, though. Okay, yours says, "Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest. Lucky numbers 19, 22, 24, 27, 35, 45."
Karen, I'm not sure when that happened! Deep breaths, that's right.
Am I too late?? If not, I would like to request one, please.
What a great idea.
Camie: Not too late, no. Here's yours. "Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends." Ain't that the truth, girl? No lucky numbers on this one, though.
If it's not too late, I'd love a fortune read on my behalf!!!
Olives: You'll be pleased to hear that "Sometimes questions are more important than answers". But no lucky numbers on this one, I'm afraid.
hi *! any of your fortune cookies left? :p i wanna know what my fortune is!!! :p
Yikes! Not kidding about being the truth. Not too surprised about having no lucky numbers. I have only played the lottery once, when I was 18. I won a few thousand dollars. I haven't bothered playing since, figuring I'd never win again.
Heh. 5'10". I always wanted to be 6'...
Karen eh...not sure my wife would let me keep her. I'll go ask later. You never know, it's entirely possible that she'd be glad of the break...
I only did the lottery once, with one of those free cards that the tabloids gave out. I won £10. I still have a cheque signed by Rupert Murdoch. I figure it's probably the only one I'll ever get from him, so it's kept safely.
Yas: Oh, this is a good one for an aspiring writer (or aspiring anything, for that matter). "Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can."
Camie: I remember that you won a bit once upon a long ago. Hey, who knows, maybe you should try again sometime?
Shep: I've won a few tenners here and there, way back when I used to play. But not done it for at least five years now.
Can I have a cookie please *? I have revived my blog again and seek guidance from the great cookie master. Glasshopper.
WW: Welcome back to blogland! Your cookie says, "Someone you care about seeks reconciliation. Lucky numbers 1, 3, 15, 31, 34, 42."
oooohhh thats so mystic. :p i feel all special now.
once i got this fortune cookie from the little chinese delivery place across the street from me. it said "You will soon be short $7.99. $5.99 if you got the lunch buffet." i laughed for a good 15 minutes on that shit.
damned fortune comedians.
Fortune me you son of a bitch.
Fortune me hard. ;)
Steve~
Hey *A. What about your own fortune? I need your lucky numbers for the draw on the weekend...
Well heck...i guess I better apply.
If there are any left, could you do mine?
Thank you :-) And I promise to share the proceeds of any lottery win.
Yas: I like the one you got in the restaurant too. Very postmodern or something!
Steve: Here we go, fella. I fortuned you so hard, the cookie shattered into a million pieces. It tells you, "Your dearest wish will come true. Lucky numbers 8, 23, 32, 39, 40, 46."
Karen: I guess I should keep a couple for myself and Red, shouldn't I? I'll save the last two, and have our fates decided for us!
Sheamus: Ready for this? It says, "The whole world steps aside for the person who knows where they are going." And you, sir, seem to have a pretty good idea of what you want to do, so I'd say that's a good one, even if there aren't any lucky numbers.
Kate: Of course there's one for you. And it says, "Life is a challenge -- meet it." That sounds like a gauntlet has been thrown down, doesn't it? No numbers for the lottery, though.
Oops...oh god, I guess I'm a terrible matchmaker...Shep I didn't realize you were married. I should have figured a cool guy like you was all hooked up.
That's alright, I'm not giving up on Karen...you're my new project ha ha...how scary do I sound right now?
5'5", that's about a perfect height!
I read somewhere about how to be matchmaker...shit, it was probably Cosmo magazine, I confess. But the article seemed pretty wisely written. It said a lot of marriages, happy ones, had the people similar heights, they also had similar hobbies...being the very basic. It sounded so boring but they said chemistry shouldn't be the number oen factor. Height, hobbies, and avid interest/respect for mutual core moral beliefs...regardless of religions.
Sorry *, I got all Fiddler on the Roof on ya "matchmaker matchmaker make me a match find a find catch me a catch!"
Um, I think now, you and Red need to go once a month to a chinese food supply warehouse and buy 50 fortune cookies for us all here...this has been a lot of fun!!!
Or can you read tarot? How about IChing toss for us?
Candy: I knew Shep was involved, but it wasn't my place to say anything. Karen must be quaking in her boots right about now...! I've enjoyed doing this, but there are still more to be opened. If no more requests come in, then this lot can go towards the next fortune-cookie day. I'm sure there'll be one! Tarot and I Ching are beyond my abilities I'm afraid. I can just about stretch to opening a cookie and typing its message.
Too bloody late as usual. And I have never opened a fortune cookie. :(
Suze: Did i say you were too late? No, I didn't. Cos you weren't! Here's yours, pet. "Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream." Awwww. No numbers though, sorry.
Does this mean I was Mother Superior in a former life? Now I'm scared! lol
Thanks Asterisk, I may have found a new vocation in life.
"The opportunity to show your ability to work in a team is here."
I'll decide that. Not anyone else.
Aw, shoot, it's probably too late now...always love a good fortune cookie!
Guess I'm too late, too. Dang.
dang, wish i had come up with this!!!
you're on to a winner here old bean!
set yourself a cut off and save some for another day!
and you won't believe it, but i wrote the word dang without realising it was in the box above!
must be my subconcious!
Suze: Maybe. Although I'm not sure... Are you?
Cliff: Fair enough, I guess. Although, whether you like it or not, your fortune has been decided by the Chinese-food gods.
LDBug: Does this mean you're back from your break in the UK? Hope it was a good one. Your fortune cookie reads, "There never was a great soul that did not have some divine inspiration." No lucky numbers, though, sorry.
LOSLI: You're not too late. Oh, so negative some of you guys! Your cookie says, "The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything. Lucky numbers 26, 29, 30, 32, 36, 47."
Cappy: I think you're right. I'll have a cut-off. It's been nearly 24 hours. Anyway, here's yours, old chap. "Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity. Lucky numbers 13, 16, 18, 25, 29, 43." Good luck with those!
Finally, to pull a full stop under this experiment, here's mine. "Good news will be brought to you by mail. Lucky numbers 11, 13, 24, 25, 26, 40."
Could that good news mean an email from Canada saying I'm splitting all that $$$ with you and Red?
go on then. When's me lottery ticket comin' in?
I am such a prick for being late... I didn't even unnerstand what you were talking about, can you believe it? Must be all the gigs screwing with my mind.
Is there still a cookie left for your fat Italian pal? If not, no worries: I will put together the luck from aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll the cookies, just for myself.
Karen: Let's hope so, eh?!
4D: Unfortunately yours came without numbers. Can yer believe it? But the fortune reads, "Invest your time before you invest your money."
Milla: I was beginning to think you weren't the type to dabble with mystic forces, like my better half. She doesn't want her read, you see. Anyway, your says, "Your reputation is your wealth. Lucky numbers 16, 17, 26, 27, 36, 37." Hmm, they don't seem very random do they? The 6s and 7s from the 10s, 20s, and 30s.
"Kate: Of course there's one for you. And it says, "Life is a challenge -- meet it." That sounds like a gauntlet has been thrown down, doesn't it? "
Yes it does rather. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be up to it, as long as it doesn't involve daddy long legs.
Thanks for my fortune! I liked that one:-)
Kate: Have a problem with daddy long legses, do we? I scoop them up and put them out the front door without a fear in the world. What a big strong boy I am, huh?!
LDBug: Happy to oblige.
Well dammit am I too late again.
Can you just make one up for me *? I wouldn't even know that it's not legit...well unless I counted those already done.
APP: Not too late, there's a few left! "Avert misunderstandings by calm, poise and balance. Lucky numbers 11, 16, 27, 28, 36, 37."
Lee: Yours is cool, I think. It says, "Success is a journey, not a destination." No lucky numbers, though, sorry.
A-ha! (not the band)
I was born on a 16th; at 17 I had a bad time; at 26 I got married; at 27 I had a meningitis-like virus; at 36 and 37...I will let you know in a couple of years!
Thank you * :-)
P.S. I am skint. Does it mean my reputation is bad? I have NO reputation whatsoever?
Milla: Not the band, no! That's interesting how the numbers relate to you. Cool. No, it means regardless of how financially stable you are, your reputation is the most important thing. Or something. I think...
Heh funny that it has "balance" in it as I'm a Libran and we are all about wanting balance.
ooer I've been 11 then 16 then 27 then 28 then 36 then 37.
APP: My brother's Libran, too, but I'm not sure I see much balance there! Yeah, funny about the numbers!
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