Monday, November 27, 2006

Roll up, roll up! Get your fortune told here! No purchase necessary!

Fortune cookies
Ever wish you could get your fortune-cookie fortune without having to ingest all that dodgy monosodium glutamate that's part and parcel of most Chinese-takeaway food? Well, now you can!

Red and I have tidied up the kitchen a bit, and what did we find but 27 unopened fortune cookies (there's some of them above, look). Rather than just throw them all out, we thought we'd share with our blog buddies.

Now, listen up, I ain't gonna eat 'em. Me or the missus will open them up one by one at random, pulled from a carrier bag in the order you apply for one. Just leave a comment, and we'll open one on your behalf. What could be easier? Fortunes told, lucky numbers issued, no hassle. Don't say I never give you nuffink. And I got through a whole post without using the word cunt. How's that, then?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done on not using the word cunt.

I've not used it either today.

27 November, 2006 09:45  
Blogger Tanya said...

EXCELLENT!!!! I await my fortune with great anticpation.

Wonder if it will direct me to the ultimate, the best, the most amazing lesbian movie ever made!

Urm... probably not.

27 November, 2006 09:53  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Mr RD: Your fortune is... "Nothing is impossible to a willing heart. Lucky numbers 3, 14, 18, 33, 34, 37"

27 November, 2006 09:55  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Tanya: Not sure it says much about sapphic screen pleasures, but here goes. "You should be able to make money and hold on to it. Lucky numbers 8, 9, 11, 12, 26, 43"

27 November, 2006 09:57  
Anonymous Pie said...

Ooh, ooh, me please. Last one I got said "That wasn't really chicken."

27 November, 2006 11:35  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Pie: You got one of the two gold ones! It reads, "Good things are being said about you". No lucky numbers on this one, though. Different brand, I suppose.

27 November, 2006 11:37  
Anonymous Pie said...

Ooh, good things. Mmmm, Pie, tasty.

Thanks Asterisk.

If it's ok with you I will use the word 'cunt' as much as possible today, I have an excuse now.

27 November, 2006 11:44  
Anonymous cappy said...

do me, do me!!

27 November, 2006 12:33  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Cappy: Mmmm, some of these are still crunchy and yummy! Yours reads, "Your dearest wish will come true. Lucky numbers 8, 23, 32, 39, 40, 46." Best get down the Lottery shop, old boy!

27 November, 2006 12:41  
Blogger Karen said...

Oooh Can you do me too *Asterisk?(Hopefully Red won't mind...).

Fingers crossed - something good. Big bucks, big bucks, no whammies!

27 November, 2006 12:44  
Blogger Tanya said...

Thanks, *. I'll play those numbers on the lotto this weekend and let you know if I win anything.

Perhaps the fortune cookie is telling me that I should play lotto, win it and invest that money into making a decent lesbian movie.


27 November, 2006 12:48  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Karen: Here goes. "Be calm when confronting an emergency crisis. Lucky numbers 6, 11, 32, 37, 38, 39." Perhaps not big bucks, but no big whammies, either.

Tanya: Yeah, that's one way of looking at it. Good luck on the Lotto!

27 November, 2006 12:53  
Blogger Karen said...

Emergency Crisis? THat doesn't sound promising... However, I will play my lucky numbers this weekend ($22 Million CDN!) and if I win I'll split it with you! There you go, it's in writing.

27 November, 2006 13:05  
Anonymous Cliff said...

All right.

No, wait a sec.


OK - Now.

27 November, 2006 13:30  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Karen: That sounds like a good deal, thanks!

27 November, 2006 13:39  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Cliff: Okay, yours says, in beautiful prose, "The opportunity to show your ability to work in a team is here." No lucky numbers, I'm afraid, but it was in gold foil, if that's worth anything...

27 November, 2006 13:40  
Blogger Shep said...

I wanna play!

(I wanna say 'cunt' too!)

27 November, 2006 14:38  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Shep: You'll like this. "Love is the only medicine for a broken heart. Lucky numbers 6, 8, 11, 14, 16, 43." And you can say cunt all day long if you so desire!

27 November, 2006 14:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If there's any leftI'm ready...what an incredible idea!

27 November, 2006 14:55  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, emergengy crisis for Karen...Shep and his love heals a broken heart...I thought about playing matchmaker yesterday. Karen loves books, Shep works in a bookstore...

How tall are you Karen?

Okay, how tall are you Shep?

Someone should fall in love on one of these blogs!

27 November, 2006 14:58  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Candy: There's loads left, pet! Yours says, "Many possibilities are open to you -- work a little harder. Lucky numbers 1, 21, 33, 39, 44, 45." Oh, I feel bad. I think you already work pretty damn hard!

You're right, someone should fall in love on one of these blogs. Awwww.

27 November, 2006 15:01  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just relieved that my lucky numbers aren't the same as the numbers on LOST. I would have hidden under my bed. Oh I love my fortune, I DO need to work just a little harder...I can tell, I need to tweak my habits.

This was a brilliant idea btw. Really fun!

Makes me want to do my "advice" booth again. Maybe ina couple days I'll post the doctor is in again./...

27 November, 2006 15:06  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Candy, I must say the idea was partly inspired by your booth thing a while back. I found all the cookies and thought, "Why not?"

27 November, 2006 15:10  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey cool!!!! This is one of the best idea and post I've read it was excellent!

27 November, 2006 15:23  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

LOVE this idea!
am i too late to get in on the gravy train of yummy fortunes (and i agree the cookies aren't so yummy... i hardly ever eat it... just soak in the fortune)

i hate that i live in America and by the time i wake up... everyone else has already gotten to read and leave their two cents

hope i'm not too late!

27 November, 2006 15:48  
Blogger Karen said...

Uh oh, when did *Asterisk's blog turn into "The Dating Game"? Wait! Maybe this is my emergency crisis...calmly now. Okay Karen, breathe in, and out, in, out, in, out, in, out, ... tee hee. This could get dirty! (ps: I'm 5'5")

27 November, 2006 15:57  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Martha: Not too late, pet, because we still have more than half of them left! To be honest, I like fortune cookies, but I think some of these may be a bit soft! I have eaten two today, though. Okay, yours says, "Do not give up, the beginning is always the hardest. Lucky numbers 19, 22, 24, 27, 35, 45."

27 November, 2006 15:57  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Karen, I'm not sure when that happened! Deep breaths, that's right.

27 November, 2006 15:58  
Blogger Camie Vog said...

Am I too late?? If not, I would like to request one, please.

What a great idea.

27 November, 2006 16:09  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Camie: Not too late, no. Here's yours. "Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends." Ain't that the truth, girl? No lucky numbers on this one, though.

27 November, 2006 16:16  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If it's not too late, I'd love a fortune read on my behalf!!!

27 November, 2006 16:20  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Olives: You'll be pleased to hear that "Sometimes questions are more important than answers". But no lucky numbers on this one, I'm afraid.

27 November, 2006 16:22  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi *! any of your fortune cookies left? :p i wanna know what my fortune is!!! :p

27 November, 2006 16:47  
Blogger Camie Vog said...

Yikes! Not kidding about being the truth. Not too surprised about having no lucky numbers. I have only played the lottery once, when I was 18. I won a few thousand dollars. I haven't bothered playing since, figuring I'd never win again.

27 November, 2006 16:50  
Blogger Shep said...

Heh. 5'10". I always wanted to be 6'...

Karen eh...not sure my wife would let me keep her. I'll go ask later. You never know, it's entirely possible that she'd be glad of the break...

I only did the lottery once, with one of those free cards that the tabloids gave out. I won £10. I still have a cheque signed by Rupert Murdoch. I figure it's probably the only one I'll ever get from him, so it's kept safely.

27 November, 2006 16:52  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Yas: Oh, this is a good one for an aspiring writer (or aspiring anything, for that matter). "Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can."

Camie: I remember that you won a bit once upon a long ago. Hey, who knows, maybe you should try again sometime?

Shep: I've won a few tenners here and there, way back when I used to play. But not done it for at least five years now.

27 November, 2006 16:55  
Blogger wrinkled weasel said...

Can I have a cookie please *? I have revived my blog again and seek guidance from the great cookie master. Glasshopper.

27 November, 2006 17:02  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

WW: Welcome back to blogland! Your cookie says, "Someone you care about seeks reconciliation. Lucky numbers 1, 3, 15, 31, 34, 42."

27 November, 2006 17:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooohhh thats so mystic. :p i feel all special now.

once i got this fortune cookie from the little chinese delivery place across the street from me. it said "You will soon be short $7.99. $5.99 if you got the lunch buffet." i laughed for a good 15 minutes on that shit.

damned fortune comedians.

27 November, 2006 17:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fortune me you son of a bitch.

Fortune me hard. ;)


27 November, 2006 18:05  
Blogger Karen said...

Hey *A. What about your own fortune? I need your lucky numbers for the draw on the weekend...

27 November, 2006 18:08  
Blogger Sheamus the... said...

Well heck...i guess I better apply.

27 November, 2006 18:10  
Blogger Kate said...

If there are any left, could you do mine?

Thank you :-) And I promise to share the proceeds of any lottery win.

27 November, 2006 18:10  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Yas: I like the one you got in the restaurant too. Very postmodern or something!

27 November, 2006 18:13  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Steve: Here we go, fella. I fortuned you so hard, the cookie shattered into a million pieces. It tells you, "Your dearest wish will come true. Lucky numbers 8, 23, 32, 39, 40, 46."

27 November, 2006 18:14  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Karen: I guess I should keep a couple for myself and Red, shouldn't I? I'll save the last two, and have our fates decided for us!

27 November, 2006 18:15  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Sheamus: Ready for this? It says, "The whole world steps aside for the person who knows where they are going." And you, sir, seem to have a pretty good idea of what you want to do, so I'd say that's a good one, even if there aren't any lucky numbers.

27 November, 2006 18:17  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Kate: Of course there's one for you. And it says, "Life is a challenge -- meet it." That sounds like a gauntlet has been thrown down, doesn't it? No numbers for the lottery, though.

27 November, 2006 18:19  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops...oh god, I guess I'm a terrible matchmaker...Shep I didn't realize you were married. I should have figured a cool guy like you was all hooked up.

That's alright, I'm not giving up on're my new project ha scary do I sound right now?

5'5", that's about a perfect height!

I read somewhere about how to be matchmaker...shit, it was probably Cosmo magazine, I confess. But the article seemed pretty wisely written. It said a lot of marriages, happy ones, had the people similar heights, they also had similar hobbies...being the very basic. It sounded so boring but they said chemistry shouldn't be the number oen factor. Height, hobbies, and avid interest/respect for mutual core moral beliefs...regardless of religions.

Sorry *, I got all Fiddler on the Roof on ya "matchmaker matchmaker make me a match find a find catch me a catch!"

Um, I think now, you and Red need to go once a month to a chinese food supply warehouse and buy 50 fortune cookies for us all here...this has been a lot of fun!!!

Or can you read tarot? How about IChing toss for us?

27 November, 2006 19:06  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Candy: I knew Shep was involved, but it wasn't my place to say anything. Karen must be quaking in her boots right about now...! I've enjoyed doing this, but there are still more to be opened. If no more requests come in, then this lot can go towards the next fortune-cookie day. I'm sure there'll be one! Tarot and I Ching are beyond my abilities I'm afraid. I can just about stretch to opening a cookie and typing its message.

27 November, 2006 19:16  
Blogger Suze said...

Too bloody late as usual. And I have never opened a fortune cookie. :(

27 November, 2006 19:23  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Suze: Did i say you were too late? No, I didn't. Cos you weren't! Here's yours, pet. "Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream." Awwww. No numbers though, sorry.

27 November, 2006 19:27  
Blogger Suze said...

Does this mean I was Mother Superior in a former life? Now I'm scared! lol

Thanks Asterisk, I may have found a new vocation in life.

27 November, 2006 19:38  
Anonymous Cliff said...

"The opportunity to show your ability to work in a team is here."

I'll decide that. Not anyone else.

27 November, 2006 20:51  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aw, shoot, it's probably too late now...always love a good fortune cookie!

27 November, 2006 22:26  
Blogger Life, or Something Like It said...

Guess I'm too late, too. Dang.

28 November, 2006 04:24  
Anonymous cappy said...

dang, wish i had come up with this!!!

you're on to a winner here old bean!

set yourself a cut off and save some for another day!

28 November, 2006 07:07  
Anonymous cappy said...

and you won't believe it, but i wrote the word dang without realising it was in the box above!
must be my subconcious!

28 November, 2006 07:08  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Suze: Maybe. Although I'm not sure... Are you?

Cliff: Fair enough, I guess. Although, whether you like it or not, your fortune has been decided by the Chinese-food gods.

28 November, 2006 09:12  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

LDBug: Does this mean you're back from your break in the UK? Hope it was a good one. Your fortune cookie reads, "There never was a great soul that did not have some divine inspiration." No lucky numbers, though, sorry.

28 November, 2006 09:13  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

LOSLI: You're not too late. Oh, so negative some of you guys! Your cookie says, "The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything. Lucky numbers 26, 29, 30, 32, 36, 47."

28 November, 2006 09:15  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Cappy: I think you're right. I'll have a cut-off. It's been nearly 24 hours. Anyway, here's yours, old chap. "Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity. Lucky numbers 13, 16, 18, 25, 29, 43." Good luck with those!

28 November, 2006 09:17  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Finally, to pull a full stop under this experiment, here's mine. "Good news will be brought to you by mail. Lucky numbers 11, 13, 24, 25, 26, 40."

28 November, 2006 10:44  
Blogger Karen said...

Could that good news mean an email from Canada saying I'm splitting all that $$$ with you and Red?

28 November, 2006 11:59  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

go on then. When's me lottery ticket comin' in?

28 November, 2006 13:05  
Blogger Milla said...

I am such a prick for being late... I didn't even unnerstand what you were talking about, can you believe it? Must be all the gigs screwing with my mind.
Is there still a cookie left for your fat Italian pal? If not, no worries: I will put together the luck from aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllll the cookies, just for myself.

28 November, 2006 13:44  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Karen: Let's hope so, eh?!

28 November, 2006 13:49  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

4D: Unfortunately yours came without numbers. Can yer believe it? But the fortune reads, "Invest your time before you invest your money."

28 November, 2006 13:50  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Milla: I was beginning to think you weren't the type to dabble with mystic forces, like my better half. She doesn't want her read, you see. Anyway, your says, "Your reputation is your wealth. Lucky numbers 16, 17, 26, 27, 36, 37." Hmm, they don't seem very random do they? The 6s and 7s from the 10s, 20s, and 30s.

28 November, 2006 13:52  
Blogger Kate said...

"Kate: Of course there's one for you. And it says, "Life is a challenge -- meet it." That sounds like a gauntlet has been thrown down, doesn't it? "

Yes it does rather. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be up to it, as long as it doesn't involve daddy long legs.

28 November, 2006 16:31  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for my fortune! I liked that one:-)

28 November, 2006 17:54  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Kate: Have a problem with daddy long legses, do we? I scoop them up and put them out the front door without a fear in the world. What a big strong boy I am, huh?!

LDBug: Happy to oblige.

28 November, 2006 18:02  
Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Well dammit am I too late again.

Can you just make one up for me *? I wouldn't even know that it's not legit...well unless I counted those already done.

29 November, 2006 12:37  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

APP: Not too late, there's a few left! "Avert misunderstandings by calm, poise and balance. Lucky numbers 11, 16, 27, 28, 36, 37."

29 November, 2006 14:33  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Lee: Yours is cool, I think. It says, "Success is a journey, not a destination." No lucky numbers, though, sorry.

29 November, 2006 14:36  
Blogger Milla said...

A-ha! (not the band)
I was born on a 16th; at 17 I had a bad time; at 26 I got married; at 27 I had a meningitis-like virus; at 36 and 37...I will let you know in a couple of years!
Thank you * :-)

P.S. I am skint. Does it mean my reputation is bad? I have NO reputation whatsoever?

29 November, 2006 15:52  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Milla: Not the band, no! That's interesting how the numbers relate to you. Cool. No, it means regardless of how financially stable you are, your reputation is the most important thing. Or something. I think...

30 November, 2006 07:50  
Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Heh funny that it has "balance" in it as I'm a Libran and we are all about wanting balance.

ooer I've been 11 then 16 then 27 then 28 then 36 then 37.

01 December, 2006 00:04  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

APP: My brother's Libran, too, but I'm not sure I see much balance there! Yeah, funny about the numbers!

01 December, 2006 06:32  

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