Friday, November 24, 2006

A Christmas No.1?

I have just written this this afternoon. I suggest it for the collaboration of James Blunt, Coldplay, and Cliff Richard, as per Red's comment in my last post. Enjoy!


"Cunts Anonymous (We Are The Cunts)"

As Christmas draws near
And the snow is here and thickening
It's just the time of year
For a song that's really sickening.

We've gathered all your faves
Collected them together
Forget about your raves
This song will last forever.

Chorus:
Oh we are the cunts
We are the cunts
We are we are we are the cunts
We'll say it all again
It's not enough just once
We are we are we are we are
We are we are the cunts.

You'll hear this song in nightclubs
You'll hear it in your car
You'll listen for the mention
Of a special shining star.

But the only star we care about
Is on our dressing-room doors
We're not in it for religion
Nor for a worthy cause.

Rpt Chorus.

Middle 8:
So buy buy buy it while can
A copy for your mother and another for your nan
Buy buy buy it for yourself
A great way to increase our personal wealth.

And as Christmas flies by
And as we reach New Year
Listening to this song again
Will drive you to the beer.

Rpt Chorus to fade.

18 Comments:

Blogger Tanya said...

Hahahahahahaha! Cracked me up!

24 November, 2006 16:31  
Blogger ems said...

This has really cheered me up after a crap day - very funny.

24 November, 2006 18:14  
Blogger martinobhoy said...

It cant be any worse than the awful songs your senses get assaulted with in every shop at this time of year. In fact I'd much rather hear this than another Mistletoe and feckin wine.

24 November, 2006 19:34  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HEe heee...

I am late to the party. No kidding, just as I was reading your last post, Stagg called me to the tv to see the video of this collaboration..


You're so funny.

Um, I know the reason they teamed up, because they are both bands that can sell a lot of records. This single will probably make a lot of money for the people of N.O. to be donated, I believe the proceeds.

The video is ROCKING. It is the concert when they played the opening, return game of the Saints NFl team return home to the dome. Intersperced with "what if". There are psuedo news clips saying "Breaking News, Iraq Us troops re-deplo to Hurrican Katrina relief...and then CG massive amounts of aircraft..helicopters, Stealth bombers, F16's all dropping food, and patching up the levys.

Doing what the SHOULD have done.

At the end on a telelphone poe is a adbuster sign mimicking "as NOT seen on tv" ads ala KTel commericals. (KTel and informercials use the term "as seen on tv" for instore marketing.

The real telling of this story is whether or not it was "worth"while for these two bands to team up...will they sell reords for fundraising.

I've met lots of people from NO's and who have been there in the last 2 months and the place is still devestated by all accounts, and living conditions still suck beyond belief.

But I love it * when you go wild with your cunt posts, cracks me up everytime!

24 November, 2006 19:39  
Blogger a.c.t said...

Please please send it to all the radio stations. I cannot bear to hear Slade again this year.

24 November, 2006 20:08  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just as good as they could do. Have you considered being a profesional song writer for crap bands? or rather cunt bands...

24 November, 2006 20:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL Olive. I second that you should become a writer for cunt bands...thanks for the giggle.

24 November, 2006 21:14  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You my friend...are an absolute genius. ;)

Steve~

25 November, 2006 01:15  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Tanya: Thanks m'dear.

Ems: Glad to be of assistance!

Martino: That's what I figured...

25 November, 2006 13:04  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Candy: Oops, yes, I forgot you are a big fan of Bono, aren't you?! Well, I've not seen the video yet because I can't bear to hear the mundane song or look at U2. Maybe I'll give it a go with the volume down. Y'see how much I value your opinion? You say it's a good vid, and I say I'll watch it. Still, glad to crack you up once it while, pet.

25 November, 2006 13:06  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

ACT: I'd love to, so if anyone out there has any contacts they want to share with me... Hey, maybe we can even split the proceeds?

Olives & Angel: Sure, I'm game for that!

Steve: Why, thank you. It's good that someone has finally noticed.

25 November, 2006 13:07  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'm a big Green Day fan and a U2 fan. But I only have heard the song once...accompanied by the vid...and I can remember the title but not the music. I am also slightly suspicious of this collaboration myself *, honest. And I like it that we all have different views and opinions. It makes life spicy.

:)

I was more impressed that Billies hair looked so good.

The vid sticks it to "the man" and I always enjoy that!

25 November, 2006 16:15  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

And we all need a spicy life: it helps keep us young, I think! Sticking it to the man is good in anyone's book, surely. Well, unless you're the man who's having it stuck to him, I guess.

25 November, 2006 16:50  
Blogger Kate said...

LMAO! That is brilliant :-)

25 November, 2006 18:45  
Anonymous cappy said...

when you get someone to record this, can i have the world exclusive for my show?

and as for green day.....anyone but u2! even if the song is shit!

i have to praise american idiot as one of the finest albums of our generation, and will continue to do so until everyone i know owns a copy!

i AM the son of rage and love!

25 November, 2006 19:15  
Blogger Milla said...

I've got the chords ready hooo hooo!!
You will be No.1 in the NME ;-)

25 November, 2006 19:33  
Blogger Gardenia said...

I agree with angelsarentfree.........

25 November, 2006 20:14  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Kate: Thanks, m'dear.

Cappy: Yeah, when, if... I know, why U2? It beggars belief!

Milla: That's cool. Send me a tape and i'll put the vocals on. Do you have any contacts at the NME, then?

Dollface: Thanks!

26 November, 2006 12:27  

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