School was a laugh, eh?

I was 11 and sat in class. It was one of the days when we didn't have assembly, which was only a couple of days a week. So we would sit there and read quietly for 20 minutes, probably while the form tutor recovered from his/her hangover.

Some days I would read Punk! Lives magazine. Does anyone remember that mag? It was one of those mags, despite being short-lived, that was ideal school reading material because it instantly put you in with a certain group, where otherwise you might not get to know anyone for a few weeks in a new school. Those mags got shared around a lot, and I made some good mates who I remained friends with all through the next five years of school and beyond.

But as it happens on this occasion I was reading something altogether more twee: a Just William novel. Don't even ask me how I could flip from one to the other, but I did. What a contradictory boy I was, just as I like to remain today.

As I read the book, I found some bits funny. I laughed to myself. But you know how it is when you don't want to laugh. You just can't help but laugh even more. I probably laughed twice, perhaps three times, over the course of five minutes. Not big belly laughs, just little chuckles.

The teacher asks me, "Is there something wrong with you?"
I say, "No."
"Then why are you laughing?"
"Because the book is funny."
"Well, perhaps you can keep your laughter to yourself. Or choose to read something less amusing."

I forget her name now. She might have been Scottish. Either way, I think she was a bit of a cunt.