Sunday, July 09, 2006


NOTE: This isn't an apology, but readers will find a fair amount of usages of the word "cunt" in this post. Sometimes it is just the only word for the job.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like proper karaoke as much as the next cunt. Y'know, in a pub or social club with a decent sound system and a load of mates.

But there is a trend in my neighbourhood at the moment for karaoke parties in the back garden or - even more ridiculous - in the house.

What this means is that we get to suffer a bunch of drunken chavs singing along to some of the worst music imaginable. What makes this even worse is that the so-called karaoke system probably cost about £4 from a car-boot sale and has an output so weedy that I can't even hear the backing track. (Perhaps that's a good thing...?)

These are some of the songs that Wife and I have been forced to endure under these most trying of conditions.

• That one that goes "Heeeeeeeeeeeeey baby. I wanna know-oh-oh-oh-oh, will you be my girl" (No I fucking won't);
• "Is This the Way to Amarillo" (No, you cunt, it's not, so fuck off);
• "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" (And hell is you singing this fucking shite, you fat cunt");
• "Stop" - y'know, "You better stop before you go and break my heart". (No, you better stop before I come and break your cunting face);
• "Atomic" (Your fucking thighs are atomic, you bastard);
• "The Greatest Love of All" (You're the greatest cunt of all, you fucking tone-deaf wanker).

Who said the great British summer wasn't full of loveliness?


Blogger Adam said...

Hahaha, wow - don't really know what to say! I like Alien 3, but the use of CGI disturbs me ha. As for Alien Resurrection - never watch it. Ever.

09 July, 2006 18:41  
Blogger parnellpr said...

Hi asterisk. Maybe I was a bit harsh, my comment was a bit coloured by some of the bitterness I felt by some of the gamesmanship that I've seen from them at points in the tournament. You are right in that other teams are worse ie Portugal. In point number 8 i was slagging off the clubs not the players, but it's a fair point to be made about the clubs, Italian football at club level doesn't deservedly or not have the cleanest rep on these shores. I actually quite admire the players from and Italy for getting to the final given pressure that the behaviour of a few club directors has put them under. On the quality of play yeah they would deserve to win, but for personal reasons I have to support France, and also I'm a bit Zizou fan. It was really meant to bit of a provocative piece and clearly that worked.Oh and I know certain French players have done some dodgy things, but then again what team hasn't in this tournament? I hope that it is the good side of Football that we see from both teams.Anyway its always good to hear other peoples points of view, keep em coming. Pippa

09 July, 2006 19:19  
Blogger Suze said...

I'm so glad our most of our neighbours are pensioners.

Maybe you should go round and tape them and play it back during their sobriety the next day. It could put a stop to their antics.

09 July, 2006 20:27  
Blogger parnellpr said...

I guess you are pleased, but i've gotta say i'm stunned. Take nothing away from Italy, but I just can't believe what Zidane did. Even under that kind of provocation, a man of Zidane's experience should have known better. Why oh why did it HAVE to be him?

09 July, 2006 22:18  
Blogger Ranting Dullard said...

I've been telling my son since the WC started that Italy would win.
They can pass the ball and dont concede goals.
More importantly, their food is great and the country is where I wanna live.

09 July, 2006 23:14  
Blogger Camie Vog said...

Wow! What an eye popping moment, watching that French footie darling headbutt a member of the Italian team! See, it IS okay to not like the French...
(I am attempting to post more for you, okay?)

10 July, 2006 01:49  
Blogger mister anchovy said...


10 July, 2006 05:17  
Anonymous mic said...

sometiemrs i just use my name is all starman here u go

10 July, 2006 05:18  
Blogger a.c.t said...

What a nightmare! I must admit, I do like a bit of karaoke, but strictly within the confines of a pub. I hate that 'heeeeey baby' song, it makes me want to throttle people.

10 July, 2006 09:07  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Adam: What can you say?! Certainly there is some visual weirdness in Alien 3, whether CGI or the strange shifting of lenses. I like it, though.

Philippa: I didn't feel so much provoked as I did that you were perhaps being a little unrealistic/untruthful in your representation on the Italian side. But the righteous won out, and played a far cleaner game than the French.

RD: Glad you're teaching the boy the finer things in life. Good for you.

CV: Eye-popping indeed. Very silly man, regardless what was said to him, IF ANYTHING.

Mr A: I assume you mean the karaoke, although this comment box has gone a bit World Cup. "Brutal" could be applied to both, though, I guess.

Mic: Cool!

ACT: That is the worst song EVER! Throttle away!

10 July, 2006 10:08  
Blogger Kate said...

I sympathise about the karaoke - we had neighbours who went in for it. Fortunately they have moved, but prior to this we had two full summers of some fuckwit screeching out the hits of Robbie Williams while their doberman howled along. You would think the fact it had such an effect on their dog might have told them something about their singing ability.

I agree about Alien 3, it's my favourite of the series.

10 July, 2006 14:44  
Blogger Candy Minx said...


10 July, 2006 21:09  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Kate: That's bad news. People just don't get it, do they?

Candy: You hit the nail on the head.

11 July, 2006 08:05  
Blogger Spangly Princess said...

HAHAHA this has had me in stitches

but you clearly have exceptionally cunty neighbours

unfortunately the elderly Signora in the flat above me has an occasional tendency to belt out Verdi at 3 in the morning.

11 July, 2006 14:01  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Cunty to the last, Spangly. And even good and great music is cunty at 3am.


11 July, 2006 14:45  
Blogger The Wanted Man said...

You neighbours sound like a right bunch of cretins.

You have though reminded me of something great that happened with my shite neighbours. They were playing shite at all hours I'd had words and all that.

The other day though four people from two seperate houses went round to complain. It was great, I came out immediatley and stood behind them looking threatening. Didn't have to do much else, one of the fantastic four was like the fucking Thing.

11 July, 2006 17:08  

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