Monday, July 17, 2006

Final update on that subject

Wow, yesterday I didn't post anything. That's the first day I've missed in aaaaaages (apart from holidays). It's like a landmark in my blogging. Why didn't I post? Well, my dad and his ladyfriend were here until about 2.15pm, and after that, Wife and I just chilled and watched some TV. Stuff like that. Kind of mulled over the previous two days. (Oh yeah, we also painted some sort of protective coating over the decking in the back garden, allowing us to hear some more lovely karaoke -- details here.)

It was nice of you all to leave comments. The traitor thing... Well, without getting into it too much, I dare say my mum will think I'm a traitor! It's all still very raw for her, and for me to say that I liked this person will undoubtedly be seen as a betrayal. Indeed, not only by my mum, but probably by my sister and my brother too.

I'm the sensible offspring: the one who moved away from his hometown and has seen the real world and had to stand on his own two feet. I understand that these things happen, and as such I am willing to accept (if not be entirely happy with) the current situation. But, regardless of the circumstances leading up to my this moment in my parents' history, it would be untruthful of me to say that I think this woman is not nice.

In the short term, everyone is happy. Wife and I feel that we have now been able to make up our own minds about this woman. A woman about whom we have heard a lot of bad stuff and nasty names. Dad's happy that we made them both feel welcome. And ladyfriend must be happy, I'm sure, that we were very accepting of her. She knows the sort of names she's been called. She's been called them to her face, so she must realize she's been called them behind her back. We told her that we couldn't see how the real her and the her that we'd heard about were the same person, if you know what I mean. She was quite teary-eyed when they left. I think she genuinely felt that she had been given a chance, rather than being judged on what we'd heard and the indisputable fact that she is partly to blame (along with my dad) for my parents' break-up.

I say "in the short term", because I will have to speak to my mum soon. She will ask what we thought of our visitor. And I will have to be honest -- that's my nature. She won't like the answer, I assure you. But she needs to look into herself and see that she and this other woman used to get on quite well, so she can't actually be a horrible person. My mum used to like her ... before all this. So did my sister. They were kind of friends.

Oh well. That's pretty much all I'm going to say on this subject for now.

There's a phrase I've seen on lots of blogs recently. Maybe it's the changing of the seasons; maybe it's the heat that so many of us are being subjected to. The wording changes from person to person but the message remains the same. "Normal service will resume shortly." Thanks.


Blogger the cappuccino kid said...

glad you're okay. the silence was deafening!

17 July, 2006 11:07  
Blogger Gentleman-hobbs said...

Came to you via Pie. This is a real breath of fresh air. Bookmarked you & will read you again

17 July, 2006 11:27  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The pressue to post every day eh? Well, its not exactly pressure tho is it?

It sounds as though you have a rational view of your dads situation. No doubt your mum wont have that view. Oh well, all fun and games eh?

17 July, 2006 12:29  
Blogger Tanya said...

Now, you see, this is what I was saying about respect. Your mom's wounds are not your wounds. For her, the situation doesn't appear to be anything other than ugly and she may never see beyond that.

Unfortunately, family can be weird about things like this. I hope they don't all gang up on you because of your opinion.

17 July, 2006 13:38  
Blogger Suze said...

Glad to hear things went well. She must have been dreading it, so she must be relieved.

I understand now why things are so difficult for you all. Nothing worse I suppose than the other woman being a friend.

The only way forward is honesty. You are right sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Your mum will respect you for that.

Good luck!

17 July, 2006 17:20  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Cappy: Thanks man.

Gentleman-Hobbs: Hello. Thanks for the kind words. You are welcome anytime.

RD: That's life, eh? (And no, there's no real pressure. I might even do everyone a favour, including myself, if I posted less often...)

Tanya: Absolutely right. I'll probably speak my mum tonight. That will be an interesting conversation...

Suze: Thanks. Yes, Wife and I had already borne in mind that it must have been difficult for her too. Not being honest just brings too many headaches with it, and I haven't got time for that, frankly.

17 July, 2006 18:00  
Blogger Cynnie said...

aww..It's tough on middle aged single chicks..specially ones that didn't particularly want to be single...there's a huge shortage of single middle aged men out there...christ
Your moms wounds aren't yours..but be extra kind to her..Just reassure her that you love love love her and you think dad coulda handled himself a lot better..but he's your dad and you will have a relationship with him.....just be patient and loving ..she needs that

17 July, 2006 18:36  
Blogger apositivepessimist said...

can't have an opinion on someone unless it's my own.

no doubt your dad's ladyfriend thought she may get the same reaction as she has got elsewhere so really it would have taken her a bit of guts to turn up on your doorstep. good on you for making up your own mind :)

being "away" from it would give you a clearer view.

18 July, 2006 09:15  

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