Friday, June 02, 2006

You know what gets my goat...?

And I shouldn't even still be thinking about this, what with being an Internet competition winner and all (see below), but what really, really gets my goat is people using mobile phones while driving. Whether they are talking or texting, it's all the same to me. They are a fucking menace to society and should be shot in the face.

This morning I was driving behind such a driver. Every now and then he would veer into the middle of the road or towards the verge before snatching the car back into the middle of the lane. And as I got closer, I saw that this cunt had his phone in his left hand, waving it all about like the fucking über-cock that he obviously is, while at the same time scratching his head with his right hand. "Look, Ma - no hands!"

I confess that I have made or received a grand total of two very short calls while driving, and one of those was while I was sat at a red light. I don't like it. It makes me feel like I have no control of my vehicle. But there are some people who would argue that they are still fine driving while on the phone, just as they are after three or four pints, probably. Y'know, practice makes perfect. But these fuckwits shouldn't be allowed to "perfect" this dangerous art. Police: shoot them in the face. Or at the very least give them a £250 (US$465) on-the-spot fine and put five points on their licence.

It really gets my goat, it does.



Anonymous mark said...

"I don't like it. It makes me feel like I have no control of my vehicle."

Maybe, like the man you described, you're just a cunt who can't drive. A phone is no bigger threat than a soft drink. Do you never have a pop in the car? A coffee? Maybe cup holders in cars should be illegal as well. And radios, since you have to take a hand off the wheel to tune them. Ditto turn signals, headlights, window controls...

A cell phone conversation is no more distracting than a passenger unless you're the sort of fool who tries to dial on the freeway, or use an automated banking system or some other thing that requires you to actually look at the phone and push buttons on it. With a headset, it's even easier.

Why cell phones are ostracized while just about any other fool thing (except maybe makeup application) is just fine is beyond me. That's what gets MY goat.

02 June, 2006 13:49  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Hello, Mark. Thanks for stopping by. To answer your questions, no, I don't ever have "a pop" in the car. If I happen to have any type of beverage in the car with me (very rare), then I wait until I'm at a stop sign or red light to drink it. Nor do I have cup holders, because I think the very notion is wholly crass and almost totally unnecessary. Maybe they, too, should be illegal.

As for turn signals, I don't know about you, but I don't need to take my hand off the wheel for those. I use my index finger while still holding the wheel. Headlights take one second to switch on; hardly compares to a 10-minute phone conversation. Ditto window controls, radio on/off, etc.

A headset or hands-free kit is acceptable in my world. But even then, on most phones you still have to dial the phone before you can converse, and that, even in your estimation, makes someone a fool.

Of course, another reason cell phones are ostracized is that they are fucking annoying.

02 June, 2006 14:01  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

And I drive just fine, thanks. Probably because I don't spend my time drinking pop and talking on cell phones.

02 June, 2006 14:06  
Blogger Red said...

I totally agree with you, * (asterisk), but then I loathe mobile phones full stop, whether in a car, in restaurants or on the bus. They have become the scourge of the earth because their undeniable benefits have been obscured by the behaviour of the many, many twats who think their every thought is worth sharing at any time with some other sad person somewhere in the world.

Regarding the “phone in the car” situation, put a few police patrols on the motorway, stop every idiot caught texting or using a mobile while driving and watch the money roll in...

02 June, 2006 14:17  
Blogger Cynnie said...

oh..i'm terrible about driving while talking ..( and texting ..sometimes..)
but but but ...the traffic is so slow and i get so bored..

02 June, 2006 16:16  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Bad Cynnie!

Actually -- and I'm not backtracking here -- I guess lots of people in the US and thereabouts drive automatics instead of "stick shift", which makes talking on the phone easier. I'm still not condoning it. But in the UK automatics are much less common and you do need a gear-changing hand and a hand on the wheel, so unless you got a third hand for the phone, it ain't gonna fly.

I'll spare you the face shooting! Y'know, cuz the traffic's slow and all...

02 June, 2006 16:24  
Anonymous mark said...

We drive automatics because we're not idiots. ;-)

While you're saving 3 mpg (or some whole number and a fraction of km per litre) with your stick shift, I'm savings hundreds of dollars in future doctor's bills for repetitive strain injury.

And yes, in an automatic you can quite comfortably hold a cell phone and drive, so long as you're not an idiot. It's the idiots, such as the man you describe in your post, that make it seem so difficult.

02 June, 2006 16:36  
Blogger FOUR DINNERS said...

10 points. (Can you have 10?...whatever...lots of points then)

02 June, 2006 21:13  
Blogger the cappuccino kid said...

how does driving a manual shift car make you an idiot? maybe some people drive automatics cos they get confused if they have more than two pedals to think about?

go? stop?

there is one thing worse. blue tooth headsets, and the people that use them and carry on talking into them when you are trying to serve them! ignorant cunts. the new john smiths add is my dream come true!

03 June, 2006 11:02  
Blogger wrinkled weasel said...

wankers who drive and use a handset in cars should be shot with a shotgun full of anthrax tacks.

In the theatre, well, I would just go over and shove the darn thing up the perp's arsehole.

and now relax.

03 June, 2006 23:48  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

I'm glad to see that some people are in agreement!

And FF, yeah, what is with those headsets. Are people really so important that they need this thing stuck to their face all day?! Like, get over yourselves!

05 June, 2006 09:27  

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