80 years of really awful clothes
Happy birthday, Ma'am. Well done on getting to 80.
You know what you ought to do? You should invite 99 other 80-year-olds from around the Commonwealth to come and have a nice lunch with you at The Palace. And for an extra-special twist, they should all have the exact same birthday as you, Ma'am. Oh, you have done that? What a simply wonderful idea.
What's that? You're not really 80 till Friday, but you didn't want to spoil your actual birthday by hanging out with a bunch of dribbling old fucking commoners? Quite right, too, Ma'am.
A hundred 80-year-olds... Can you imagine how much fun it would be to work as a waiter at that shindig?