Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sunday

Just because it’s Sunday, doesn’t mean Wife and I don’t have to work. It’s funny: she said to me on Friday night, “Oh good, the weekend. That means we can work without the risk of disturbance from people phoning and e-mailing us.” And it’s true – the lack of these distractions means that you can get more work done. So it’s Sunday, and we’re hard at work (although of course I’m taking a few minutes to write this).

But where external distractions are absent, we are constantly distracted by the children of our neighbours. We can hear them from both sides, but the one on one side in particular just goes on and on and on and on and on. He’s like a fucking Duracell Satan-spawn. And at the weekends he is arguably worse than during the week, cos at the weekends he’s got his two older brothers at home with him all day, when during the week they are at school.

You get to about lunchtime and you’ve got a bitch of a headache caused by someone else’s kids.

Now it’s not that we hate kids. Hate is a very strong word. We don’t wish them harm or anything like that. We just don’t get them. And we’re now at that time of life when we have very few friends who don’t have kids. They’re all at it. It’s like it’s not enough to be having sex whenever you want, you’ve got to have something to show for it too. And people with kids always want to bring their kids with them when they come to your house or go out to dinner with you. We’re like, “Can you get a sitter for X night?” And they’ll be like, “No, it’s okay, we’ll bring him/her/it with us.” Maybe we should start saying, “Get a sitter or we’ll cancel, you selfish fuck.” Kids and grown-up sit-down dinners where you can catch up with your friends just don’t mix. They start crying, and then if it’s a particularly young baby, the mother has to lop her tits out for it to suck on while you’re all trying to chat like this isn’t happening. Yeah, it’s normal, blah blah, blah. But is it normal to be whacking them out at the drop of a hat? I mean, she wouldn’t be doing it if the kid didn’t want a drag of it, would she?

No, kids are vile. Or maybe they’re all right if they don’t live with you and you can put them back in their box when you’re bored of ’em. Until then, count us out, baby.

2 Comments:

Blogger a.c.t said...

On Sunday I went out for lunch with my 2 best friends from uni who I don't see that much anymore. One of them has just had a baby. He's 7 months old and gorgeous. However, it was really difficult to have a conversation without the attentions turning on the little fella every 10 minutes. As a result, we harldly talked about anything at all.

I feel lukewarm about other peoples' kids, unless they're family. I want to have them myself in a year or two and I know that when it happenes the whole world will probably revolve around them, but that's what being a proud parent is all about I suppose.

28 June, 2006 09:11  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

Weird, isn't it? We have, in the past, found ourselves literally shouting over a crying baby trying to converse with its parents, both of whom seemed not to notice it crying. Odd odd odd.

28 June, 2006 20:07  

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